Shadows like mine

25

Azriel landed in the palace on top of the mountain that rested above the Court of Nightmares.
    His heart was beating fast and he felt more nerves than he ever did in his life. She was here. Aurora was here.
His mate.
    Two weeks he had waited. He had been so scared — he still was. He never wanted to push her into anything. He couldn't tell her either. After the incidents that happened, after he found out what she was... it was too dangerous.
    And besides, he never deserved it. He never deserved a woman like her. A mate.
    Again he realised that Aurora deserved so much better than a Master spy. A man without scars on his hands. Every woman he ever wanted, had deserved better.
    Nonetheless, he walked around. Opened doors, looked at balcony's and hallways, until he found her there.
    On a broad balcony, looking over a peaceful area of mountains and trees in the dales, she sat on a blue sofa.
    In front of her was a low set table, filled with all types of food—her breakfast. Her shadows looked like they wanted to consume her. Death looked like it wanted to take her.
    Dead in his tracks, Azriel took a moment to stare at her.
    Aurora's eyes, once bright gold like a rising sun, looked dull. Her hair had grown. She sat crooked and her face got slimmer. Did she eat?
    She wore purple jogging pants with a big sweater on top in the same colour. It was the only thing that seemed happy on her.
    Nerves wrecking him on the inside, just like the doubt and the fear, he slowly walked up to her.
    Aurora did not look up when he stood at the other side of the table.
    "Aurora?" he asked softly. As soon as he said her name, he felt that burning desire inside of him. The need to have her. The need to be here forever. To be her mate, her protecter and lover. It slammed so hard into his being, that Azriel needed to keep himself from falling on his knees for her.
    Slowly she looked up at him.
    "You need to leave," she said. Azriel felt his heart drop, but he could not turn away from her now. He had seen what she had done. He had seen her pain.
    He wanted to take it all away. He wanted her to smile again, just like at Elain's birthday party. He wanted her eyes to shine like a glowing sun.
    "I am sorry," he whispered back, "but I can't."
    Aurora moved back on the sofa, like she wanted to create more space between them. Her shadows looked like they wanted to attack him. The sharp edges of death wanted to keep him away.
    "Can I talk to you?" he asked.
    Aurora shrugged. "I don't want to hurt you." Her voice cracked and she placed a hand in her hair.
    The look on her face... Death whispered in her ears. Azriel saw it. He wanted to growl like a beast, so it would leave her alone. He wanted to break this curse with bare hands. He wanted her to be free.
    "You won't hurt me," he promised her and he sank on the chair in front of her. He looked at the food in front of her—untouched.
    "I don't want to take risks."
    "Aurora."
    Gods, he loved her name. He loved everything about that name that suited her so well. The way it rolled off his tongue, how it tasted in his mouth... it was better than anything.
He wanted to scream her name from the tops of the mountains, he wanted to moan it into her ear... but he shook it off. He could not get distracted. This was about her. It had always been about her.
    He needed to tell her. All of it.
    She had the right to know.
    She did not react anymore. She tried to hide her face behind her hair.
    "I would do anything, to break that curse," he started. "Anything." Her eyes became a bit bigger, but that was all.
    "You don't deserve it," he continued. "I realised that as soon as I saw what it was doing to you. We all wanted to save you from it. And we all tried. We still are."
    Azriel wasn't sure where to start his own story. Start at the beach, a voice whispered in his head.
    "When I saw you for the first time, I didn't know what to think. There you were, survived the ice water and with shadows like mine. I had never seen anyone like me. I was curious about you." He kept looking at her. He wanted to see a reaction. "But you were so scared. Of me, of everyone. Of hurting us. And I can not describe the feeling I got when you started to open up when we took you to Velaris. It was like clouds disappeared from the sky."
    He remembered it. How happy he felt when he saw her laugh at their jokes. How she felt like she was accepted. As if the curse was not dangerous anymore.
    "We both know how you felt when Death got to you for the first time in so long, how it took control." He could barely say its name. He wanted to growl, get a sword and pierce its heart. He hated the way Aurora shrank at the memory.
"You came to me. Of all people. You talked to me. I didn't know why. I helped you anyways. And then..."
    He took a deep breath and watched the condens as he breathed out. Now Aurora pushed her hair back and it looked like she forced her shadows to calm down. He felt a small smile. And proudness. She wanted control. They practiced—she remembered.
    "And then you started to train. You started to live. That night at Elain's party, you sang. I thought I would faint at that sound—it's beautiful. You looked beautiful as well."
    In his mind he went back to that night. How they danced on the bridge, away from the loud music form Rita's. That stunning black dress that fitted around her body. The split up her thigh. The silver jewellery.
    That delicious ass.
    Oh, how badly he had wanted to grab that ass. How badly he had wanted to slap it to see her reaction.
    Aurora played with a stray of hair and he thought he was imagining the blush.
    "And later, you accidentally killed Feyre's garden. Death took you away. I wanted to come after you. I couldn't find you. I searched everywhere until I found you in the mountains. I had never been more scared."
    He swallowed hard. Now was the moment. He had to tell her.
    "Then... I realised it. It hit me like a brick." He leaned forward, wanted to come closer. He knew he had to keep his distance, he didn't want her to be scared of hurting him.
    "Realised what?" she whispered.
    Azriel opened his mouth and his shadows wanted to hide him from her sight. He kept them away. He wanted her to see him. See everything of him.
    "You are my mate," he whispered back. He saw the shock on her face. Her golden eyes grew big and her face became more pale than ever.
    "That's not possible," she whispered. "I belong to Death."
No! he wanted to scream. She did not belong to Death. She belonged to him. Just as much as he belonged to her, forever. She could never be Deaths maiden.
    "You are my mate," he repeated.
    "Why?" She got tears in her eyes and Azriel felt a pain in his chest like never before. That bond between them, dark and lifeless, felt like it was crying without sound.
    "I don't know," he admitted.
    "I will kill you."
    Lifeless she stared at a bowl of grapes. Her black hair waved when the wind blew softly in her face.
    "You won't," he assured her.
    "I am so sorry," she said and her voice broke. Was she crying? Because of the darkness of her shadows it was hard to see. Not able to stay away from her any longer, Azriel got up from his chair.
    He moved towards her like a magnet and kneeled down in front of her, between her knees. He had to pull in his wings so they wouldn't touch the table.
    "There is nothing to be sorry for," he said and he wanted to grab her hands. Aurora looked like she wanted to run away—to protect him.
    "It's not possible," she repeated. Azriel shook his head.
    "Aurora, you are my mate." He would repeat himself for eternity if that was what he had to do to make her believe it. "I promise you that I'll do anything you want from me."
As soon as he spoke the words, he knew he was speaking the truth. He would do anything. If she asked him to stay away from her, he would, no matter the cost.
Aurora did not react.
She seemed rather scared. Of him? Of Death? He couldn't tell. He hated it when he wasn't able to read her.
He needed to know what she was thinking. He needed to know what was going on in her heart.
Searching for the right words, he could only think about one memory. A memory he never told anyone. Not to Cas, not even Rhys. Something he tucked away, thinking it was useless. It never stopped haunting him until three decades ago.
    The first time he had seen that image, was in that tower.
"I have always dreamed," he started slowly, almost scared, "of shadows. I never knew what they meant. When I got my own shadows, I thought I knew. But my dreams started to change. Through the shadows, I saw a sun rising. It was so gold and bright that it woke me up, thinking it was morning."
He could see it in his mind.
The beautiful gold breaking through the darkness that always surrounded him. "I never knew why I saw a sun through the shadows," he mumbled, looking at her eyes. At those golden eyes. Two suns in her face, breaking his darkness.
"I know now."
Aurora was silent for a long time. Azriel did not move. He would do as she would ask him. He would do anything for her.
"How can you be my mate," she started, "when Death claimed me in that pit?"
"Death is not in control of everything," Azriel told her and he wished she would believe him. "Something in this world made us and made this bond."
This bond that was lifeless. That dark bond, which he didn't tug on, scared he would startle her.
"Would it be possible?" she asked softly.
"What?" He looked at her features and admired them, one last time. Azriel prepared himself for if she would send him away forever.
"The bond."
Azriel thought about it. He wanted to tell 'yes' a thousand times. He would make it work. For her. But he didn't know. He didn't know how it was possible for them to be mates when Death claimed her all those years ago.
"I think," he started, "that it is possible. Or else it wouldn't exist."
Aurora nodded and fiddled with her fingers. Azriel kept looking at her, thirsty for her voice and her eyes to look in his own.
"Would you trust me?" Her eyes locked with his and he forget to breathe for a moment.
"I already do," he said with a soft voice. He ignored her sharp shadows, trying to push him away. They would not hurt him. "And I will do everything to keep you safe."
"What about yourself?" She raised a brow. "How do you keep yourself safe?" He could hear that she didn't believe it. She didn't believe it was possible.
It made his heart drop.
"Our bond is stronger than Death."
He meant it. He had seen it. With Rhysand and Feyre. They could overcome Death if they wanted to.
"How do you know?"
"I have seen it."
Aurora nodded again and leaned towards him. Azriel held his breath. She grabbed the bowl of green grapes from the table.
"It's early," she mumbled. She took one of off the bunch of grapes. "And I didn't eat yet." She put the grape in her mouth and chewed it.
"You should eat." His voice was lower, huskier and he tried to think straight.
Softly, oh so softly, he felt a tug from the other side of the bond. Like she was testing it. She could've pulled him towards her, he would not go back.
"Did you eat?"
Azriel swallowed, his mouth was dry. His pupils widened and his blood was hotter than ever. "I couldn't eat."
She took off another grape, held it between her fingers.
"Maybe you should."

Oh, yall know that Wattpad smut is coming ;)