Outside

40

Van never called me when he landed. He didn't call for me weeks in fact. And when he finally did, the call lasted exactly a minute, he told me he missed me, told me he was loving touring and that Bond had met a girl in a pub.

I felt a lump in my throat the whole time he was talking, I felt a harsh stab in the stomach the second he said goodbye. I felt empty when he ended the call, I felt as though I'd waited years for him to just call and say he loved me... but he didn't even say those three words in the whole minute he was talking.

I tried not to think about it too much, I tried to just focus on the fact that I'd been hired in a restaurant, that I started my job in just two hours... that I had nobody to tell because everyone else was too busy living their lives to care about mine.

I sat on the train, my hands trembling as I nervously folded the ticket and placed in in my pocket. I wasn't nervous to start the job, I was more nervous because I was waiting for Van to call me again, I'd been waiting for weeks... again.

I didn't know what I'd say to him if he did call, whether I'd give him the time of day or just tell him to stop bothering with me.

As the train stopped where I was getting off, I stood up and held on to the rail, feeling my phone vibrate in my pocket. Nerves flew through my body when I pulled it out and realised who it was.

"Hey" I simply answered, not giving him much, as he gave me so little over the past few months.

"Where are you? It sounds busy" Van asked, not even starting with an 'I miss you' or a 'sorry I haven't called you for the last three weeks I'm an asshole'.

"In a train station" I answered, "I start my new job today"

"New job? Baby, that's amazing" Van said excitedly and I almost cringe at the name he gave me. How dare he call me that after what he'd been doing... or what he'd not been doing, for so long.

"Look I gotta go, I'm almost there and I don't wanna be late on my first day" I said, wondering why he even called me in the first place.

"Oh... okay, well have a good day, I love-" I ended the call quickly and shoved my phone in my bag, putting it on silent so that I wouldn't have the urge to pick it up and call Van again during the day.

I couldn't deny that I missed him, I couldn't deny that all I wanted was to just hug him and kiss him and love him again. But it wasn't the same anymore, Van was getting bigger and bigger, more people were finding the band's music and the venues they were playing in were getting bigger... he had no time for me. And now that I was in this new job, I probably wouldn't have much time for him either.

I made my way into the building, trying to find the man who said he'd meet me here and my eyes widened and my jaw almost fell to the floor when I spotted him smiling at me.

He was absolutely breath taking... literally. His hair was fluffy and curly, split in the middle so that both sides fell elegantly at either side of his face. His eyes were bright green, deep and intimidating but warm and approachable at the same time. His face looked like it had been professionally chiseled in some lab for perfect humans. He was gorgeous, and from the way he was looking at me... I could tell he knew what I was thinking.

"You're Lyla?" He asked, coming closer to me, the strong smell of his cologne hit my nose and almost knocked me out.

"I am... It's nice to meet you..." I said, trailing off as I realised I'd forgotten his name already even though I literally read the email he sent me just this morning.

"I'm Matt, I'm the manager" he said, shaking my hand lightly, not even flinching at the fact that my hand was sweaty and shaking like a leaf on a tree, "I'm sure you know what to do by now after the dozens of back and forth emailing about the job, just go and change into your uniform and join Vera in the kitchen, she's the one with the blue hair... you can't really miss her" Matt added, handing me a pile of clothes.

"Okay... thank you" I said with a smile and did exactly as he told me to do.

As I came out of the bathroom, I took my bag to the staff room and placed it on a chair, not knowing whether to hook it up with the rest. I was completely clueless, I had no idea what to do and I had no idea who to talk to. Luckily Matt was right, Vera wasn't hard to spot and I walked straight up to her.

"You're Vera right? Matt told me to just come to you... didn't really tell me why" I smiled, praying she wouldn't think I was some weirdo who had no idea what she was doing.

"That's me... and you must be Lyla, I love your name... but let me guess, everybody you ever meet sings oasis to you and people actually call you oasis just to be a cunt" Vera said, she seemed very friendly, and she had one of those voice you'd never get tired of, her accent was stronger accent than my own but she spoke softly, despite the words she was saying.

"That's... scarily accurate" I laughed, thinking about how true it was, although not everyone called me oasis... just Van did.

"Anyways... before we get off topic, you're basically just doing what everyone else does, taking orders, making food, preparing the food, serving the food, cleaning up... it's pretty boring but it's good pay so what's there to complain about?" Vera smiled, letting me know that it isn't as bad as it sounded, "and everyone who works here is proper nice, we're all really good friends, in fact... you should come out with us tonight, get to know us all"

I smiled at her offer, knowing that getting out and making new friends is exactly what I needed, exactly what I wanted.

"I'd love that" I replied.

"Here's my number" Vera wrote down her number on a page in the order pad and ripped it out, passing it to me with a smile, "I'll call you with the details, yeah?"

"Brilliant" I smiled, turning to begin my first day of work.

On my dinner break, I made my way to the café down the road, it was a little one and there was barely anyone there when I arrived. I ordered a simple sandwich and a coffee and sat at a window table, looking out at the cars whizzing past. I didn't want to eat at the restaurant I worked at, I felt as though it would be weird to sit at a table of the place I worked, I didn't want to be one of those people.

After sipping the last bit of my coffee, I dug my phone out of my bag, realising that Van had called me four times after I ended the phone and texted me to call him back... so I did.

"Oh thank god... you don't understand how much I needed to talk to you Lyla... I need you... Please" Van stuttered, he sounded as if he was crying, as if he was struggling to talk, and it broke my heart into pieces.

"Van, what's wrong?" I ask, worrying about him.

"I got drunk... I fucking hate myself... I'm so sorry for everything I've done to you... I know you want to move on... I know you don't need me anymore" Van cries, worrying me even more with what he's saying, I didn't understand.

"What are you trying to say?" I ask, "where are you?"

"I'm at home" Van replies and I find myself wondering if I should see him. I didn't know he'd come back, I didn't know the tour had ended. "I need you here... can you... can you come?"

I was lucky that I had only another hour of work until I could go home, only an hour until I could go see Van and ask him what the hell is going on with him. Getting drunk in the middle of the day? What the fuck is wrong with him?

"I have an hour left, I'll come and see you when I'm done, okay?" I tell him, butterflies still flying around in my stomach, but not the good ones.

"I love you so much" Van said and ended the call right after, not even giving me time to say it back.

I wondered what was going on with him, for the next hour I was completely consumed by the thought of him getting drunk at 12am and calling me up to apologise. It made me realise how many times it had happened... too many to count. It made me realise that Van only apologised when he was drunk, he only loved me when he felt like loving me, he only needed me when he felt like needing me. It wasn't fair on me at all, I couldn't go on knowing that I was just a thing he used to escape his boredom when he wasn't touring.

When my shift ended, I hopped on the train, getting off at the stop that was closest to Van's apartment... knowing that I was just hurting myself by doing this, but Van needed me, and I wasn't going to just leave him alone whilst he was drunk.