LISTEN {H.S.} A.U.

Sign Of The Times

The ride back home was quiet, more quiet then it has been for the past year. The doctor x-rayed my skull, my brain, and ran multiple tests; but nothing. The comparison of my brain to a 'normal' person's brain was basically identical. There are no cracks in my skull, never dropped as a child, never bonked on the head as a child. There is enough oxygen getting to my head, blood is great, and everything is as it should be.

"Fuck Mari, que te pasa? I don't get it" (what's up with you) Joshua shakes his head as he drives through the rain. "Joshua if I knew I would tell you don't you think?" muttering, looking out the window.

"I am not trying to be pushy, it's just- it's just you don't get what it looks like when you are screaming from pain." He eyes me, but his eyes fall quickly back to the road. Imagine being the one experiencing the pain babe, definitely not a satisfying feeling. My eyes closing, to catch a quick snooze before my late shift today.

The rest of the day I stayed in bed, watching my feel-good movies. I wasn't ready to walk out the room because Joshua would want to talk about this again, and I honestly felt as if I were to talk about this again, I will give myself a headache. Reaching up to see my clock, it read 9:30, and I groaned as my feet touched the tiled floor.

My head was still a little sore at the base of it, I pulled my usual work outfit. My job doesn't require a uniform, just needs to be all black. I pull over my black fitted shirt, some pair of black ripped up and patched jeans I have had since college. My hair is slicked into a middle-part, then tied at the bottom into a low bun. My head starts to sizzle again, I grab onto my dresser quickly, before I plummet to the floor again. Faintly I hear

'She'

Then in a split second, all pain is gone. In surprise, I stand there like a pendeja. Why was this one short? And quiet? I gather myself and put on my hoops, and my usual red lip. Grabbing my backpack, and this long leather peacoat type of jacket thing that belonged to my mother in the 90s.

"Heading out?" I hear Joshua speak from the kitchen. His body walts through, and we both stand there awkwardly. "Yeah" I say. "Well don't forget these, you kinda need these." Handing over my rugged oxfords. "Thanks, see you." I kiss him before I find myself letting out a heavy sigh.

The car sheltering me from the ongoing rain storm, I have plug my phone into the aux, and see what spotify can suggest to me.

Rhythmic beats of my favorite spanish band playing, my hands drum on the steering wheel. At the red light, I raise the volume and find myself enjoying this drive to work.

"Oye mi amor, no me digas que no

Y vamos juntando las almas

Oye mi amor, no me digas que no

Y vamos juntando los cuerpos"

My voice screams the lyrics. I feel my heart racing along with the words.

"Conmigo tu alucinarias, cómo no

Conmigo tú hasta el fin del mundo"

I bang my head harder, arriving at the lonely place of what is my job, I let myself finish the song. My body rattling the car, and my mouth just spewing the words. The guitar making me create my own melody of many 'la la's'

The song coming to an end, I lock my car and feel my feet start to vibrate from the intensity of the cheap music being played. "MY LITTLE MAR Y SOL" I hear one of the waiters say as I enter. "Hey steven, busy night?" I say dropping my bag into the locker. "You have no idea, let me tell you. Come here." He whispers. "The big man's daughter was here with a guy." I look at him as if that should matter, or if we should care. "No, no. Different guy, different day." He clicks his teeth. "El chisme te va comer vivo." I say laughing (The drama will eat you alive). This man knows too much of everything of everyone, it is highly concerning but what else can a 50 year old man do. Steven started working here a year after me, and that was when he lost his business and family when he came out as gay. His business correlated to catholic private schools, and funding the whole thing, but they kicked him out when they found out that his heart didn't correlate with their belief. I call bullshit on that. Hating a stranger who just lives? Hating someone who just wants to love? Atrocious.