To convince you {Lams}

1. Air of preference

[John Laurens POV]
Joining the military, father wanted me to, I do want to make him proud, really. I'm not sure if it'll ever be enough, though. My father can be a great man, but some aspects of him aren't so perfect. Not everyone agrees with me though. The people see no problem at all with owning slaves. They're people father! They're people city! They won't believe me, they ignore my pleads to let them go. They ignore my pleads to give them their freedom. Laugh in my face, even.

Just wait, I will fight in this war, under Washington's command, until every single slave has been freed. I will.

Anyway, the military. Just arrived, yadda yadda yadda, met a bunch of guys. Some guy with a really long name, all I remember is Marquis de La Fayette. There is also some guy named Mulligan, his first name is Hercules I believe. Those two are the guys I find myself in a bar with right now, drunk of our asses. I don't completely know what we're talking about, but La Fayette and Mulligan seem passionate.

"What about you Laurens?" Asks Mulligan, voice hoarse from the alcohol and the laughing and the screaming and the singing.

"Oui, what do you like in une fille?"

I'm not sure what I like in 'une fille', actually. I've thought about it, but it all sounds so shallow, pretty face, good lips, good body, against slavery. I never seem to be able to get truly excited by a girl, and believe me, I've tried.

I've tried so, so hard to let it be a girl I longed for late at night, when I find myself alone and dissatisfied. However, despite my intentions, I have always found myself longing for quite a *different* kind of body.

Now, as I sit here with my newly made mates, I have to, once again, hide that kind of longing in the shadows. Longing can be deadly. Sharp like a knife, cutting through your sanity. And when they find out about the longing, it'll be a rope cutting your air supply.

It is as such, that I have had to repeatedly come up with a continuously changing girl, describing the shallow aspects of her personality, go a little bit more in dept about her appearance. Make it believable, make it appear real.

"She's gotta be a decent person, against slavery of course, would be nice if she's in possession of some humour. Red hair is nice, that light shade, ya know? Cute smile, violet blue eyes."

Seems believable enough. La Fayette and Hercules smile slightly, looks like they bought it.

"So, tu es reliable with the ladies then?"

"Not that much, actually. Something about me drives them away, I don't know what, though."

Maybe it's the fact that you don't return their affections, you ass. You're worthless to them. Scrap that, you're worthless to a lot of people. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless. Worthless.

"Laurens, you good?"

"Oui mon ami, you zoned out."

Shit.

"I'm good guys, just distracted, is all."

A man sits down next to me, ordering a pint. He's cute, the light shade of red hair. The cute nose, the fair complexion that complements his lips, which, if I might mention, look very healthy.

It is only now that I notice he lifted his head and put his eyes on me.
Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.
Can't let him know.

"Alexander Hamilton, you are?"

His eyes have some kind of hunger in them, I don't know for what though.
His lips move very elegantly, but littering words accentuating some kind of determination.
His voice sounds soft and gently, but every sentence he says leaves some kind of bitterness, the kind that makes you want more.

"John Laurens, nice to meet you."

Yes. I did well.

"Who are those two? You know them? They're kind of staring over your shoulder."

I look behind me, only to see La Fayette and Mulligan look at me with their most innocent faces.

"Unfortunately."

Alexander, as he introduced himself, smiles at me. It's a beautiful smile, if I might say so.

"Je m'apelle La Fayette, tu es?"

"Alexander Hamilton, my name is Alexander Hamilton."

"Hercules Mulligan, you under Washington?"

"Yeah, just got here. Hey, is your friend okay, Laurens was it? He's kind of red."

Shit.
This guy is walking the line between heaven and hell, but goddamn is he doing it seductively.

I know it's wrong and all, but as long as this guy is breathing the same air as me, it's my air of preference.