• If I could turn back time •

25. Pretender

"You stabbed me, then pretended you were the one who was bleeding."
———

Siberia

The elevator was deathly silent, its occupants seeming to be contemplating the fact that they could quite possibly be heading towards impending doom.

I searched for comfort in Steve's hardened blue eyes, but found nothing. This place made me nervous. Why wouldn't it? I had once suffered endless torment here. It fueled my growing fear that I could just snap at any passing moment. The Winter Soldier was still in my head. Hydra was still in my head.

I remember the chair, and the machine that wiped my memories to provide a clean slate for them to work with. I winced, still able to feel the pain ghosting across my temples even though I wasn't there anymore. I remember the mouth guard that they had to give me so I wouldn't bite off my tongue. The handlers, the beatings, this place held so many dark, painful memories.

"Wipe him again. Beat him into submission if you have to! I want him to be obedient!"

"Yes, sir."

"Buck, you alright?" Steve's crystal clear voice ripped me out of the brief memory.

I met his gaze, hesitating at first but not looking away. "I don't like this place." I murmured quietly as my gaze slowly wandered away from him, favoring the floor instead. A wave of shame washed over me. I felt guilty when I admitted things like that to Steve.

Steve faltered, his rock-solid composure slipping just a bit. I was the one thing that could make him lose his composure. It was scary to imagine what lengths he would go to in order to protect me. A moment passed before he gathered the strength to at least place a firm hand on my shoulder. "I know. I'm sorry we had to come here."

I nodded and met Steve's gaze again. I saw right through his stoic expression. Fear. Anxiety. Determination. He didn't know what I went through when I was kept here. He didn't need to know. "How're you holding up?" I asked after another moment of silence, my voice cracking a bit.

Steve chuckled and squeezed my shoulder. "I'm doing alright." He replied smoothly, offering me a small, comforting smile.

Silence gripped the air again. Only the occasional shifting of the elevator's machinery filled the void. We looked into each other's eyes, finding comfort and security. We were perfectly content with just gazing at each other, no more words were needed.

The elevator stopped a few moments later. Steve gave a brief nod and lifted the gate that separated us from the hallway. I stepped out first, scanning the area before gesturing for him to follow me. He watched my back as I swept the area ahead of us. My hands tightly gripped my gun, nearly turning my knuckles white. I didn't like how quiet it was.

We soon came to a small staircase. I began cautiously climbing up, Steve still covering my six. Before we reached the top, however, a creaking noise caused us to whip around. I quickly took aim while Steve protectively held up his shield. We knew the guy we were looking for was hiding somewhere. Lying in wait. Could that be him?

"You ready?" Steve asked, the creaking noises continuing to come from where we last heard them.

I hunkered down, looking through the sight on my gun. "Yeah." I replied. My gaze was trained on the large entrance that was across the room from us.