• If I could turn back time •

5. The Price Of Freedom

"The price of freedom is high. It always has been. But it's a price I'm willing to pay."
———

My heart leapt into my throat. I was frozen in place, my limbs refused to move. I was scared, but why?

"Bucky..? How did you get in here?" Steve asked gently, not moving from his position a few feet behind me. I could hear him shuffling his feet. He was nervous. Or maybe just restless. I couldn't really tell.

My throat felt dry. I swallowed hard, trying to come up with an excuse. I had none. I slowly exhaled and turned around to face him, my gaze wavering. I couldn't look him in the eyes knowing what I did. "T-The window...." I stammered, shame building in my chest. "I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to—"

"Buck."

I glanced at him when he interrupted me. His kind blue eyes were looking me over, an empathetic glimmer within them. I felt pathetic. Why did I show up at Steve's home looking like this? I looked horrible. Dirty. Unkempt. I was ashamed to show myself to him this way.

"It's okay..." Steve said softly, his rosy red lips curling into a small smile. He took a step or two towards me, holding out one hand reassuringly. It was then that he realized how messy he looked and he blushed in embarrassment, quickly running a few fingers through his hair in an attempt to fix it. "It's okay, Buck... You're alright. Do you need help?" He placed a gentle hand on my shoulder, looking me in the eyes.

Now I was the one blushing out of embarrassment. I never thought I'd have to ask Steve for help. I didn't want to be a burden, but he seemed insistent on helping. I knew there was no way he would back down. "Yeah...." I murmured, rubbing the back of my head. I hate how greasy my hair has gotten. "Can I.. take a shower? I-I'm sorry... it's just.... I'm tired of being dirty..."

Steve smiled at me and nodded, gently squeezing my shoulder. "Of course you can. There's no need to apologize. You do kinda need one..." He snickered playfully, patting me on the back.

I couldn't help but chuckle at that, my blush deepening. God, his laugh was so cute. "But... these are the only clothes I have. I don't wanna bother you if it's too much...."

Steve gave me a look that made me feel stupid for even saying that. "Buck, you will never bother me. I gave you my address so that you could come to me for help, and that's exactly what you did. Don't worry about it. Just give me your clothes, I'll wash them after your shower. I have some clothes that might fit you, c'mon." He smiled and began walking down the hallway.

I watched him for a second before following him, feeling a little better about the situation. He led me to his room, where I waited for him to find me some clothes. I silently looked around his room, taking everything in. It wasn't anything fancy. It was more simple than anything. He had a few pictures hung up here and there of people I didn't recognize. The only picture I did recognize was the one sitting on his nightstand.

It was the younger version of myself and him again. We were at Coney Island, having the time of our lives.

"Remember when I made you ride the Cyclone at Coney Island?"

"Yeah, and I threw up?"

I snickered at the memory, catching Steve's attention as he dug around in one of the drawers of his dresser.

"What's so funny?" Steve asked, raising an eyebrow and smirking at me.

I pointed to the picture on his nightstand. "Coney Island, remember? You threw up in front of that girl after the ride." I continued snickering like an elementary school kid who just learned a dirty secret. My grin grew when I saw Steve's face go red. I hadn't felt like this in a long time. It was nice.

Steve huffed playfully and tossed some clothes at me, closing the drawer. "Yeah, yeah.... go take a shower, you jerk." He chuckled.

'Jerk.' I remembered that nickname vividly. "Punk." I retorted with a smirk, the look on Steve's face making me want to laugh. He didn't expect me to remember that.

———

I have never felt so refreshed before in my life, aside from when I cried into Steve's shoulder. It was almost like I had a clean slate. Like I could start over and get my life back on track.

The clothes Steve gave me were a little loose-fitting. He was bigger than me, which was hard to believe. After I got dressed, I looked at myself in the mirror. My hair was no longer greasy, my face was no longer smeared with muck. I actually looked like a human being again. I guess I have to learn how to take care of myself again, it felt strange using the shower and the things in Steve's bathroom. I'd been living on the streets for so long that I forgot what it was like to actually take care of myself.

I left my backpack in Steve's room, beside his bed. I trusted him with it. A wonderful smell wafted into the bedroom and my stomach growled embarrassingly loud. The stale bagel I ate earlier didn't satisfy me.

I wandered into the kitchen, where Steve was cooking eggs and bacon on the stove. I leaned against the wall and smiled, watching him. "Since when did you learn to cook, Rogers?" I asked, a playful smirk upon my lips. I felt much more relaxed in his presence. More like... myself.

Steve smiled, his gaze still trained on the sizzling bacon in the pan. "Well, I figured I had to since I was going to live by myself. Wouldn't want to almost burn down the kitchen again." He chuckled, lifting the pan and sliding the cooked bacon onto a plate next to the scrambled eggs. "And..." He paused, dividing the eggs and bacon into two portions and putting them on separate plates. "...I have a guest, so why not cook for them?"

I chuckled, my smile growing as I followed him over to the table and sat down. "Just like old times, eh Stevie?" I don't remember where that nickname came from, but it was cute. Just like Steve.

Steve smiled as well, a hint of a blush on his cheeks. He sat down and slid a plate over to me, as well as a cup of orange juice. "Just like old times, Buck." He chuckled, looking up at me and just gazing into my eyes.

That was the moment I knew...

I didn't have to be told, I already knew all along. Deep down in my heart, I knew...

I was in love with Steve.

A/N: This ship gives me so much life, I love it ❤️❤️