Blind Kageyama AU

Part 11

When was crying classified as "bad". The stereotype that if a tear is shed then you are weak. Men can't cry, but women can. If a woman cries too much she's "depressed" or "sensitive". If a man cries he's "pathetic" or "a baby". It is an expression for emotion. One that everyone human being has yet showing it is deemed inappropriate. It is healthy to cry despite popular belief. Relieving that stress makes everything feel better in the end.

After Hinata's breakdown, everyone went their separate ways. No one wanted to talk about it anymore and Natsu was complaining about being hungry anyways. Thus, the consensus was to split up and ignore everything that had happened.

Kageyama sat on their couch as he happily listened to TV shows; he found the volleyball channel of course. Natsu and Haruhi were in the kitchen cooking up some Katsudon while the tasty aroma filled the air.

Then, there was Hinata.

He was busy sitting on the floor of the shower contemplating everything. Things that weren't even rational filled his head as the heat of the water hit his back.

The usually empty head was scrambled as thought after thought made their way to the base of his brain only lasting a few seconds before another appeared.

Despite his eyes closed, he was moving them rapidly with each theory that came to mind.

"Why did I cry? What would have happened if I didn't cry? Why did he look so hurt? Why do I hurt so much when I look at him? It's normal to feel this hurt after you caused your best friend to go blind and to never return to volleyball- Oh. My. God! What if he can't return to volleyball? Who's going to toss to me? Who's going to be my other half? Will I even be as good? Will I be able to continue volleyball if he's not there? Is it permanent? Is there a way to give him my eyes? Can someone finally admit that it's my fault? Wait..."

The never ending thoughts paused as he played back the conversation earlier.

"You forgot I was here? Your own best friend?" He huffed but continued their banter by proposing something he knew Hinata wouldn't like. "Maybe I should just stay with Tsukishima. He would at least remember that I'm there."

With a shrill, the blocker stood up straighter and bounced over to his setter. He used his right arm to hook underneath his teammate's as he propped him up.

"You listen up Bakeyama! I'll only say this once... Tsukishima doesn't like you and would never take you under his wing. I'm the only gracious person you have to help you like this!"

"Oh? So you think I'm thankful to you? You're the whole reason I'm-"

Natsu had interrupted him then. He was about to say it. "He does hate me."

Fresh tears sprang to his already swollen eyes. He felt his stomach churn and drop. His heart weighed a ton only making his sink further and further into himself.

He felt numb. Panic coursed through his veins and fed his heart and brain. Everything was spinning, falling, and screaming at him to stop. To turn back time and go back to the beginning. Back when they were enemies and Kageyama wouldn't blame him for any of his pain. Maybe even before they met! Then he wouldn't have to feel like this. Feel like his insides are ripping out of him and everyone would be better off if he didn't exist. Maybe then his heart wouldn't ache. Wouldn't yearn for Kageyama's eyes always on him, his smile because of him, and his affection. Maybe then... maybe then he wouldn't have fallen for him...

But he can't go back. What's done is done and there's nothing he can do about it.

Suddenly he heard a yell from outside.

"Hinata, honey! Dinner is ready!"

It was his mom. That's right... his mom. He's putting her through a lot too. She has to cook more, watch Kageyama, clean more, work more, love more.

The ever growing burden seemed to consume him.

He sluggishly finished up and took his time getting dressed. Slowly, he made his way into the kitchen where everyone was sitting.

"Shōyō, honey? Is everything alright?" His mother questioned with worry. "Your eyes seem a bit red."

"It's nothing mom! I just got some shampoo in my eyes is all."

The excuse was logically sound, but his voice still quivered and his smile seemed far away.

Nonetheless, they continued on with dinner.

"So, Kageyama," Haruhi began, "what is your family like?"

Kageyama, who had been unnaturally quiet since before dinner, looked up in surprise from the sound of his name being called. A hint of awareness shone in his eyes.

"Uh..." He trailed off.

"You don't need to answer if you aren't comfortable, dear." Haruhi reassured.

"No. No. It's not like that. More of just them never being around. I'm used to it now I guess. Family dinner is new to me is all."

"Oh.. well. Now that you're staying with us, you'll have dinner with your second family every night! I won't always be the one to cook since I have night shifts on occasion but, Shōyō can cook quite well. He prefers baking but cookies aren't an acceptable dinner for two growing boys and a girl!"

"I can take care of us all! Don't worry mom. You focus on work and yourself. Nothing has to change just because Kageyama is here!"

Worry still evident in her gaze, she smiled. She knew her son tries hard, too hard, to make everyone happy at his own expense.

"Thank you, Shōyō. I always know I can count on you. And you know that if you ever need help or advice that you can talk to me."

The smile Hinata had been faking faltered. He peered down at his food and softly smiled. He really loved his mom.

Finally taking a bite of food, Haruhi turned to her own and ate contently.

Maybe everything would work out. Maybe they'd be okay in the end.

Hello lovelies! I listened to Words Fail from Dear Evan Hansen for most of this chapter!! (Highly recommend listening to the soundtrack or even reading the book!) So my brain was like- LETS MAKE THIS SAD HAHAHAHAHHA! So that's what I did! Hope you guys enjoy!! Next chapter is already on its way and I have a long break coming up so I'll have more time to write!