Why won't you choose me? | Seunglix/Hyunlix/Seungin

What am i to you?

"we can talk about this inside. let's go have donuts."

i opened the car door. you know that feeling when your nose tingles and your chest knots up when you want to cry? that's how i was feeling. i wanted to cry. i couldn't stop it.

"i really have to use the bathroom where is it?"

he was grabbing the donuts out of the car.

"oh down the corridors to the right it's the first door."

"o-okay thank you"

i walked inside. the door was unlocked which was weird. i followed the directions and found the bathroom. when i got inside i locked the door and let it all out. i had to be quiet though i didn't want felix to hear me. why'd i let this happen? i'm so stupid. he's gonna choose hyunjin over me. he's better for him anyway. i should let him go. i'm not enough so it doesn't even matter. stop crying dumbass. you knew this would happen. it's your fault. you got what you deserved. so just go and hang out with him. hide your tears. i flushed the toilet so he'd think i used the bathroom. i dried my tears and splashed a bit of water on my face. i dried off with my shirt because i didn't want to use the towel. i felt like it was impolite. i walked out to find felix pouring milk into two cups.

"sit down at the table if you want"

i looked at him and then at the table.

"oh okay...so do you live alone?"

"no my parents are out with my grandma. she's pretty sick."

"oh..i'm sorry i didn't know.."

he walked over to the table and put the cups of milk down.

"it's alright i was never close with her. anyway, come choose a donut"

i got up and chose a glazed donut.

"can i borrow your microwave?"

he nodded.

"so one of my favorite idols taught me this. you take your glazed donut and put it in the microwave for 10 seconds. it's so soft and warm after!"

he laughed.

"i'll do that too!"

we microwaved them both. when we took them out we sat down at the table.

"try it!"

he took a bite and i could tell by his face that he was amazed.

"damn! i should do this more! who'd you say taught you this?"

"oh! CB97 from 3racha!"

"ahh! i like their music too!"

"really?! i didn't know that! what's your favorite song?!"

"i really like the song Hot what about you?"

"i like p.a.c.e!"

we were sitting there talking for what felt like hours. i completely forgot that i cried. i felt safe again. i let what we were talking about go. if he wants to be with hyunjin he can be. i'll wait for him. we can stay best friends i'll just shove my feelings down. it's not that hard i always do.

"i'm tired do you want to go to bed?"

he asked while grabbing my cup of milk and placing in the sink.

"yeah"

i looked for the trash can and found it by the counter so i threw my plate away. (it was a paper plate).

i followed him to his room and asked where i would sleep.

"you can sleep on my bed and i'll sleep on the floor or in my parents room if you want."