sincerity is scary - glee

1.5

"Hey Kurt, can you keep a secret?" Her question was sudden, and made the Hummel boy turn to his friend - hesitating momentarily. 

After Oliver's passionate session of PDA with Santana in front of the entire glee club, Mercedes though it would be best to finally get some of her feelings of her chest - even if it were just to her best friend. 

"That depends on how juicy it is." Kurt joked, nudging his friend as they walked down the bustling hallways of Mckinley High. The day prior at the club's carwash, the two friends had quite the dispute with Mercedes getting all the wrong signals from the boy who claimed he had a crush on Santana. The two gladly made up when Mercedes apologised for the damage to the boys car and Kurt came out to his friend as gay.

"I have this crush on a boy who is so... painfully sweet, and attractive, and awkward in all the right ways. But he has a girlfriend and I can feel my self turning to dust every time I see them together." Though Mercedes' words came out quiet and rather ashamed, Kurt understood completely. With a heavy sigh, the boy clutched his friends hands in his own and made her stop and look at him. 

"Oliver right?" Seeing the girls' shock, Kurt let out a soft chuckle. "It's kind of obvious when you're constantly drooling in his direction... Mercedes, in my professional opinion; although I agree that that boy is a complete heart throb, he's like a lost puppy and Santana was able to put him on a leash before the rest of us could get the chance. They won't last, trust me... but until then, trying to be his friend couldn't hurt?"

"Is that what you've been doing?"

Their conversation faltered for a moment as the boy in question had walked past them with Mike Chang on one side of him, punching his arm playfully. Oliver noticed their stares and sent them a weak smile quickly before turning back to his conversation with his friend and disappearing into the crowd. It was strange for the Fabray boy to be walking around school with someone by his side, having been so used to being alone, but it certainly wasn't something he was apposed to. After joining glee and football, and finally letting people into his life, Oliver can actually feel some happiness returning into his life. 

"Like you said... painfully sweet and attractive." Kurt recited as the two friends looked at one another, rather discouraged. They had lived a large portion of their lives coming second to attractive cheerleaders, and as much as they hated to admit it Oliver Fabray would be no exception.

Oliver's lunch period was currently in session, and on this particular day Cheerio's had their practice at the same time. Which is exactly how Oliver had found himself in a familiar spot on the bleachers, watching the cheerleaders dance and flip around the grass of the football field. Though to the naked eye, it would seem Oliver Fabray was on top of the world, within only a short amount of time securing one of the hottest cheerleaders as his girlfriends and earning a spot on the football team, that boy was living the dream. But below the surface, Oliver was utterly and completely lost. Though he enjoyed hanging out with all of these new people, Mike, Santana, Finn, Puck, Kurt and Mercedes - he was stressed out of his mind. The letterman jacket that hung on his shoulders felt so unfamiliar to him that it seemed he had become a whole new person after putting it on. Oliver was completely and utterly overwhelmed. 

The boy collected his belongings and quickly left his seat overlooking the football field only to disappear to a dark and secluded space underneath the same bleacher he had once sat. His breathing began to quicken out of pure stress and anxiety, and his movements grew shaky. He knew he was messed up, but these past few weeks he had just gotten better at hiding it. His 'PTSD' (according to Mrs Pillsbury) had not improved, but Oliver had learnt to hide himself away from the world and avoid triggering situations. 

Rusteling through his bag, Oliver began to sweat as he searched for his new found relief. It felt like years that he was sitting on the cold concrete ground, his back pressed against the wire fence - but eventually his fingers grazed over the sacred box he had been looking for and his entire body noticeable eased. Still in a frenzy, Oliver pulled out a carton of Cigarettes, pulling one out and raising it to his lips. He proceeded to drop the almost empty box and reach into his jean pocket of his pants, pulling out a lighter. This series of events had seemed now to become second nature. Whenever Oliver could feel himself beginning to stress or freakout, he'd find somewhere quiet and light a cigarette. They were his saving grace, something he could rely on for the time being. 

The boy's breathing steadied as he inhaled and exhaled the puffs of smoke. His hands stopped shaking and he felt at ease. Though in the back of his mind he knew he should be ashamed, that he had everything a guy could want. Oliver Fabray was making his way to the top of the social hierarchy and yet he was still as broken as ever.