sincerity is scary - glee

1.7

To put it simply, Oliver Fabray was a walking, breathing mess. 

After kissing Kurt and immediately running away, he felt as if he had just dug a hole even deeper than before. Not only did he just question his sexuality openly, but he had kissed somebody he had considered his friend and completely abandoned him. He had thought that talking to Kurt about his issues would clear things up but obviously, matters were much worse. 

He had hidden in the bathroom for his first class, far too baffled and afraid to even attempt a math equation. He contemplated just ditching school completely and walking home, but he knew the shunning he'd receive from his parents would not be a good addition to his already large resume of things that have gone wrong. So he stayed, sat on a toilet, twiddling his thumbs avoiding the outside world.

So, when lunch time rolled around - he knew he should come out of hiding - whether out of boredom or a new found courage, he couldn't stay here any longer. The Fabray boy kept his head down as he exited the bathroom and into the already busy halls. He thought he could make it to the cafeteria alone safely but, his girlfriend was  persistent and investigative as ever, and found him almost immediately.

"Hey." Santanna announced bluntly as she linked her arm with the boy. "You didn't escort me between classes earlier. I missed you." She pouted, looking up at the boy on her arm. 

"Yeah, sorry." Oliver tried clearing his throat distractedly. "I-uh, skipped class this morning. I was stressed, I think." He told himself that he wouldn't lie to Santana and he wasn't, in fact he had every right to be stressed. 

"You skipped? You better not have been smoking under the bleachers again." Santana's comment came out extremely casual like it was common knowledge. It wasn't. 

"You know about that?" Oliver halted wide eyed, unlinking their arms, instead taking her small hands in his and bringing her in close. He was concerned, this was supposed to be his secret. 

"Yeah. I know everything. Can we go now? A girls gotta' eat." The Lopez girl didn't hesitate before turning on her heels and entering into the cafeteria. Oliver watched her figure disappear behind the double doors, his heart rate immediately picked up and his eyes widened.

"EVERYTHING!?" He called out to her, before running to return to his spot at her side. "What do you mean you know everything? What's everything?" Oliver's words came out extremely quick, almost surprising the girl as he caught up to her. His eyes darted to those around them as they waited in line for their food, hoping nobody would hear their conversation. 

"You know... everything. I'm your girlfriend, that's kind of my job." 

Oliver's mind had obviously traveled to Kurt. Was Santana trying to tell him that she knew about the kiss. 

"Oh calm down, I'm totally pulling your leg. I know what I need to know, and besides we tell each other everything right?" The two had comfortably made it out of the lunch line and were standing in front of one another, red lunch trays in hand, Santana having to look up at the lanky boy before her. 

Oliver was about to reply and agree, but his gaze had landed on Kurt, sitting at a table with the rest of the glee kids. The table was loud and happy as usual, all except for the Hummel boy, he sat, picking at his food glumly, avoiding all conversation. 

"I can't have sex with you." Oliver blurted out (surprising himself in the process), a little too loud as it seemed to catch the attention of those passing by. Santana, for once seemed speechless. She furrowed her brows at the boys, who had not too long ago seemed head over heals for her. He had quit glee, joined football and the celibacy club - just for her, now he didn't want to get intimate with her?

Oliver sighed heavily, stepping closer to his girlfriend so their conversation was a little more private. "Look. I've just got a lot going on right now and... I don't know, my head is just not all there and I just want it to be amazing for you, and I... can't... do that, right now." Oliver may have made himself cringe at his words. He was so confused, he barely even knew what he was saying or thinking anymore. 

"You're turning me down?" Santana's caring, and lovey dovey demeanour had faded in an instant. 

"No! God no-"

"It sounds like you're turning me down. After everything I've done for you, and you don't want this?" She was angry. Oliver knew he messed up, he could have handled this entire situation a lot better, and somewhere much more private. Santana had no shame yelling at him in front of the entire school, and so she did. 

"Santana, it's not you it's me. You know I think you're amazing-"

"No. Frankly I don't Oliver. I got you on the football team, because of me - everybody loves you and not once have you thanked me."

Oliver nodded his head, and sighed heavily. It was as if he was a child getting told off, he kept his gaze on the floor, and did everything in his will not to cover is face in his hands. He kept nodding because he knew she was right, Santana was good to him, and she deserved better. 

"Can we not do this in front of everyone?" Oliver mumbled shyly, watching as a people laughed at the pair, mumbling things quietly to their friends, even the table of glee kids had quietened down to watch the scene in front of them.

"Why? Have you got something to hide?"

"Santana-"

"We're done. You can run back to that little hole I dug you out of, while I go find somebody who appreciates this - and trust me, plenty of guys are lining up, just to appreciate me." 

Flipping her pony tail, in all of her glory - Santana trotted off to her table full of cheerio's and jocks who either whistled at her as she sat down or cheered her on. Leaving Oliver stood alone in the middle of the cafeteria, surrounded by a crowd mixed with second hand embarrassment, pity and pure judgement.