sincerity is scary - glee

1.6

Oliver Fabray was far from alright. The boy should be on top of the world, he had a new group of amazing friends, an extremely passionate girlfriend and a lettermen jack on his back - but alas it made no difference. He felt incomplete, like a puzzle with a missing piece - that peace was Charlie. He wanted to share in his triumphs with his best friend, to tell him everything that had been happening as of late but, that piece is still missing. He could never tell anyone what happened between them, he even had a hard time admitting to his parents but it was necessary. He could always feel a sickness in his stomach rising at the thought of letting anyone in that close.

He glumly sat at the bottom of the stairs, patiently awaiting is girlfriends arrival - just as he would do any other day. He sat and observed teens entering Mckinley High laughing loudly, smiling brightly and conversing with one another. Oliver would give anything to be like that again, he tries his hardest but theres always that lingering thought. 

"Hello you." 

Santana grabbed her boyfriends collar and lifted him to a standing position, crashing her lips onto his roughly.

"Morning." Oliver greeted through a painfully forced smile. The boy had stayed true to his word and put all of his efforts into his relationship. He stayed away from Mercedes and Kurt, he tried his best to text the cheerio whenever he got the time, and he'd walk her to each of her classes - openly welcoming any and all public displays of affection. 

Santana intertwined her fingers with the boys and lead him into the halls of the high school, holding him close to her possessively. "So... I've noticed you've been a bit down lately and I as your amazingly hot and devoted girlfriend feel the need to change that. My house, tonight at 8." The girl leaned in closer, now standing on her tippy toes with her lips besides the boys ear. "Bring protection." She whispered seductively, before promptly blowing him a kiss and making her way towards her friends. 

Oliver wanted more than anything to be excited, but he couldn't find it in himself to do so - despite being extremely appreciative of Santana's efforts. He watched her figure disappear into the crowd as he was left on his own, standing amongst bustling figures - his own world in slow motion. Something was completely wrong with him, and had to do something about it. He couldn't just go about his life in grey scale anymore. 

"Kurt!" He shouted over the loud hall, gaining the attention of the boy who was retrieving booking from his locker. The Hummel boy looked around in confusion before locking eyes with Oliver and becoming even more confused. 

"Hey man, I'm in desperate need of advice." Oliver wouldn't say it out loud, but he had a twisted way of thinking when he approached the boy - he was desperate for answers and Kurt may be able to give them to him.

Oliver dragged Kurt by his sleeve into an empty and quiet classroom so he could explain his current situation. "Okay... This is going to sound super douchey but I need you to be completely honest with me." Ignoring the concerned and shocked look on Kurt's face, the Fabray boy continued. "So Santana wants to have sex and I should totally be excited about this but I'm not. I don't really feel... anything. So I got to thinking and I just, I don't know... How do you know you were gay?" Oliver quickly stopped rambling, anxiously anticipating Kurt's response. He was most definitely not thinking straight, but he refused to believe that his lack of excitement for his girlfriend had anything to do with his deteriorating mental state. 

"I'm not gay Oliver." Kurt chuckled awkwardly. The boy was not ready to tell anyone his secret, so all he could do was desperately deny the claims.

"Oh c'mon Kurt help me out here. What if the reason that I don't care for sex with my girlfriend is because I'm not actually attracted to her... What if I'm attracted to guys, how do I know?" Oliver should have been completely embarrassed by the words coming out of his mouth, he sounded completely insane and paranoid. 

"Maybe you're just scared?" Suggested Kurt, trying his best to be helpful in such a strange situation. He could see right through Oliver, everyone could - he was not doing well, at all. 

"I'm not scared!" Oliver explained, pointing an accusing finger at Kurt - he had no right to be offended by Kurt's suggestion yet he was filled with rage. "What do I have to be afraid of?" As if to prove a point in the heat of the moment, and without thinking at all - Oliver hurriedly grabbed Kurt's cheeck's and smashed their lips together. He was completely blinded and hadn't even processed what he was doing until he was doing it. Kurt too was just as shocked. This was his first kiss... this. He had imagined his first kiss many times, and for a moment he had imagined it with Oliver - but not like this. 

Something seemed to snap within the Fabray boy. He quickly pulled away from Kurt, stumbling a little with wide eyes. "I'm so sorry." He apologised breathlessly, trying not the let the awkward tension consume him. 

"Oliver." Kurt whispered carefully. 

"No. I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry."