The journal of Mackenzie grace

Charter 1.

Have you ever wished that you were in another world? A world where you were in control. I did too, I still do. Life is a weird thing, I have this quote I like to think about, " If life is going to mean anything, I have to live it myself." I never really understood it, that is until I started imagining. I know it sounds crazy, but making up things is how I like to live my life. And no I don't get stuck there and wish to never leave, I know when I go too far, and I know when to come home. I've read stories about people "shifting". It's not like that, I don't become someone else, I don't suddenly see people who aren't there. I mean no ill intention to the people who do shift, it's just not how I experience things. I'm still in my world, I'm still me. I don't see people, nor do I hear them. I just imagine what they would say if they were there, with me. I think of the advice they would tell me, how they would encourage me to stay strong.

It doesn't always work, but it's nice to know that even if it's not real, that someone is always with me, and that i'm not alone. And I'm not alone, I have an amazing life. My parents care for me and love me, my sisters are super supportive of everything I do. I have a group of friends. But I always have this feeling of being alone, and it never goes away. I can be in a crowded room of my closest friends and family and that feeling is still there. I guess that's how I know i'm an introvert, the feeling is weakest when i'm alone. Which doesn't make sense in the slightest, but it's whatever. I use writing as an escape, I write what my conversations with made up people would be like, what I want it to be like. It's something I can control, it makes me feel happy and free.

But it only does that for a little while, in all honestly I think it makes me feel worse in the long run. And you're probably wondering why? Well, it's not that I get wrapped up in being a character. It's the fact that I'm jealous, I can control my characters' lives, even if to others the characters' lives seem bad. I, as the author, can see things, things that the readers can't. Which is my fault because I can't figure out how to make these small things fit into the story.

A lot of people will read this and laugh, or think it weird or untruthful, and I get it, I do. To people who don't know the feeling, it seems fake and unrealistic. But I promise you, it's not. The people who have felt like this before, they know that it sucks, because there isn't anything you can do about it. So, I've decided to write my story, so that people who don't understand this emotion can see what it's like, and the people who have felt this sinkhole of a feeling, can see and hopefully learn that they're not alone. That's my wish. So, if you think it's dumb, then by all means, find another story. But stick around, and i'll show you a whole new world.

-Mackenzie Grace