Harvestland

THIRTY

She awoke with the feeling of a lingering dream. Kind of dream you can't remember for the life of you but still follows you around all day. Something about Noah.

It was after nine in the morning. Halloween morning. In her old life, her life up until a few days ago, she'd be calling Brittany and Emma, going over plans for the Halloween party that night. She wondered what they would be up to and wished suddenly that she could go back.

Detective Lehman was already up and dressed, going over some paperwork on the desk in the corner. Sofia sat up in bed and ran a hand through sleep-messy hair.

The detective turned and they greeted each other. Sofia showered, dressed, and did her make-up for the day in the bathroom. When she was done, Lehman had them move over to the other room where the guys were also up.

Noah smiled his soft smile at Sofia when she came in. He was putting on his shirt as he came out of the bathroom. She caught a glimpse of his chest and arms. It was hard to look away, and yesterday's almost-kiss was already tormenting her.

But if she couldn't have Noah she wasn't going to whine about it. She liked being around Detective Daly. He was fine as hell and she always got an extra thrill from older guys. Even if they were all here on serious business he was at least a pretty face to look at, a distraction from rejection, a distraction from the boy she worried she may have fallen in love with.

"I have to talk to you," Daly said to his partner soon after she entered.

That left Sofia alone with Noah again. It was as if all the strides made in their friendship had disappeared. The conversation went back to the stiff formalities and awkwardness from their early encounters.

They sat at a small round corner table and were silent for a while. Noah sipped at some bad coffee from a Styrofoam cup and finished a breakfast protein bar.

"How are you holding up?" he asked her eventually. "Sleep okay?"

She smiled and nodded, searching to make conversation in the newfound tension. "You know," she said, "you should be careful with all that protein."

"I thought it was good for you."

"It is. But excessive amounts of protein bars and mixes can have a laxative effect. Not great for the kidneys either. And that motel non-dairy creamer in your coffee? Nothing but cancer."

Noah shook his head.

"Just saying."

"If I knew being friends with you would get me in trouble with the food police all the time..."

Sofia smiled softly at him until it faded and she just stared at him. This act, trying to pretend what happened—what almost happened—never did, was excruciating. She'd had enough, so she grabbed her chair and slid in close to him.

He tensed up.

"Relax," she said. "I just want you to look at me. I know this is weird, but...just for a minute could we pretend? Can we do that? Pretend with me."

She leaned in closer and stared at him, into him. He looked at her and didn't move.

"No," she said. "You're holding back. Really look at me. Look at me as if you were looking at her. Just for a minute. Please."

It took a second but Noah let himself relax and let himself pretend and it was a bad decision. All the old vulnerability came back and suddenly he was lost in her. They stared at each other with the melancholic gazes of the unattainable and the unrequited, drunk with longing.