ILYSB (it hurts)

[𝟼] sweet but bitter

Josephine

After our moment in the tree house, I cannot stop myself from thinking about that kiss. Out of the things that made me feel giddy, I can't help but admit him kissing me is one of those. It's my first kiss and I always hear it can be the worst moment of your life, but mine wasn't.

I look up in the ceiling still wishing the feeling would go away but it doesn't and I can't help but smile. I'm also sad at the fact that Hero will be staying his last year here. He's been mostly annoying to me but then I realized he's only the person I interacted much. I don't know if you can call us best friends because we're not but I always feel connected to him somehow.

My parents will be in a medical convention and they left me and Jonah under the care of Phoebe for a week and I don't know how to feel about it. Jonah will be mostly with his friends partying so after school, I will mostly stay at home. My mom left some ready to heat foods in the fridge so I'm good for the week.

I walk downstairs to treat myself on some candy bar when the door flew open and my soul almost jumped out my body. Bailey also stood up immediately. Hero stood there, his brown hair is a mess and his eyes wide.

"I have that new game Phoebe bought for me. Let's play?" he asked, smiling.

I stand there confused but then I realized he offered a truce and he's being nice, so I said yes and followed him to their house. Bailey followed and I shut the door as soon as she walked out. We both followed him up the stairs and to his room. It's as messy as my brother's room. There are shirts and piece of paper everywhere. I wonder if Phoebe checks on in this room because she will probably have a heart attack.

His widescreen TV is turned on and his PlayStation neatly placed on top of the table. It's the only thing I see as neat in this place. I internally cringe.

"So what are we playing?" I asked.

"God of War III." He said calmly, his face focused on the screen. I see the opening credits of Kratos with his buff body and his bald head come onscreen. I know this because Jonah plays it too.

"You're not supposed to play that, it's -" I pick up the game case from under the table and looked at it. "It says here it's Mature 17+. You shouldn't be playing that."

"So what? This is fun." He smiled at the screen while beating a monster worm while his character leap off from one place to another. I look at the screen one more time and decided this game is not for me. I exit to their backyard and entered my way to the treehouse. I'd rather kill time here rather than watch some bloody game. Pun intended.

I scratched Bailey's head and plucked out a book from my shelf. I chose Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver since the story interests me so much. And kind of preparing myself for high school which is shitty when based on this book. Plus, it's somehow a story of twisted déjà vu. It excites me.

I look up and see the sky is slowly becoming gray, the blue washed over by cotton-like floating in the air. I felt the cold breeze on my cheeks and it didn't sting like it did the other night. Bailey whimpers when she heard the sound of thunder from nearby and I held her close to me. With a book in hand, I sat, my back perched on the wooden wall painted with baby pink and glitter. I had to force Jonah and claim all his chores for six months so he would help me build this. I smile at thought. My brother is so tough on the outside but he's always there for me, emotionally. Being physically present is hard for Jonah these days. He has friends to tend to. I look at the polaroid pictures I've taken through the years, mostly with my dog but few of it with my parents and Jonah. Some of it I took in Ivy Hill, the swimming hole we've just recently discovered as a family.

I snap a pic of my hand holding the book I'm reading and wait for the picture to be printed. Once it's out, I fan it and wait for the picture to develop and snip a piece of tape on its back. My glitter wall still have a lot of space to pin some memories on.

The soft tap of the drizzle on the tree house's rooftop becomes a melody I never knew I wanted to hear. As I read through the books, I realized Samantha Kingston is just an ordinary girl with extraordinary fate.

--

I woke up slightly disoriented when I heard a thunder crackle nearby. Bailey is still beside me and my book is still in my hand and it's perched on my chest. My wrist is aching so I think I've been in this position for hours. The tree house is dark so I stand up and walk up to the switch.

I look over at Hero's room and all the lights are on. I think he's still playing that awful game. I was about to turn back to where I'm lying when I noticed a polaroid picture plastered to the door. I look closely and it's me sleeping with my mouth open.

"evidence in case you deny it"

It's Hero's handwriting and I should be angry but I just burst out laughing. I shake my head and strip a piece of tape and stick it to my glitter wall next to the only picture I have of him smiling. He's on the swing, huge tire with just a sturdy rope attached to a tree, smiling then giggling while Jonah swings him harder.

He looks so carefree when he smiles, with his dimples appearing on both side of his cheeks, his smile reaching his eyes and his corny giggle everywhere.

I'm smiling until I hear a loud crash and it's coming from Phoebe's house. It's still drizzling outside and I ran as fast as I could. When I reached their door, it's open and I'm scared if a burglar decided to come in here. I wasn't thinking.

I heard the shouts again and I'm sure enough it's Hero. I ran up the stairs and I see Phoebe outside the closed door, with her hands on her face, crying.

"What's wrong?" I asked, curious and terribly concerned.

"His Mom will never bring him home." She said with shuddering breaths.

My heart sank and I know how he adored his mother so much. I wanted to ask about it but I don't want to come off as nosy. I did what I'm good at and I hugged Phoebe while we listen to the loud crashes in his room.

"Promise me something..." Phoebe said, wiping tears from her eyes and I simply nod.

"No matter how angry he gets, no matter how harsh he might be, please know he's just hurt. So hurt about everything in his life. Please, don't give up on him."

I don't even know why Phoebe is telling me this but I can't help but feel for her. I never knew Hero had issues with his mother as deep as this one and I'm not sure if I want to know any of it. Instead, I promised myself no matter what words he'd say or the things he'll do, I'll always give him the benefit of the doubt.

After yet another loud crash from the room, I decided I need to give them both space. I didn't realize I have his Ivy Hill picture in my hand. I slid it under the small space between the door and the floor and wished he wouldn't destroy it.

Walking back to the house, I'm wet from the rain and immediately changed my clothes when I'm already in my room. Jonah prepared our dinner and told him I just need to do something.

I pull on my sweater above my head and removed my ponytail, my hair damp from the rain. I checked the big brown box underneath my bed and sat down on my bed.

I look down at the polaroid pictures in my hand that I kept for three years. From the times he used his skateboard to school, his football games, his grumpy faces. I took them all, secretly. And since he's so immersed with being angry all the time, he didn't noticed.

When I said I only had one picture of him, I lied. I lied even to myself.