My Tiny Secret | ksj

#21 | his decision

"So am I."

It still takes you at least five seconds to get used to him joking and fooling around.

"Do you think us having sex was a good idea?" you ask him with a murmur, pulling your shirt down your thighs even though you feel the uncomfortable wetness pooling between your legs.

Maybe you should've used the bathroom to clean yourself before starting this topic, but there's no turning back. Especially when all amusement wipes off his face instantly, a hardened gaze staring right back at you. It makes your shoulders tense and your arms hugging yourself, taken back by the sudden change of atmosphere.

However, when he notices your body language he relaxes his expression and licks his lips slowly, before a raspy voice reaches your ears.

"Are you regretting that it happened? Because I asked you if you're sure." he says, points out the small fact that brings you back to yesterday night, night full of kisses and deeper connection. It's weird, he almost sounds hurt asking that.

"No, I know that. I don't regret it, Do you?" you tell him quickly, watching him shaking his head.

"I don't. But why are you asking me this then?" he sounds genuinely confused, and you know you're confusing him every second you don't response.

Quickly gathering yourself, you give him a tiny smile before you sigh.

"I don't regret us having sex. It felt... nice. And different than the other times and I know something has changed, I'm not sure whether you felt it too or not..." you trail off, catching a glimpse of him but he only stares at you.

He doesn't confirm it, nor deny it which leaves your comment ignored but him not denying it means something. Right?

"I know you're not used to talk about your feelings openly, or about any situation that's close to it. And I don't wanna pressure you into anything. I'm not used to it either, well, not with you. We've never really talked about such things so openly, or ever actually. All I wanted to say is, that I don't think it was a smart move... us having sex. Even though, I don't regret it."

He stays quiet for a solid five seconds as he scratches his cheekbone, but opens his mouth.

"I'm not quite sure what this is about." he admits.

"Well," you start, "think about it this way. It happened, and it's okay and we don't regret it. But if we keep doing this, Yoojin will grow up seeing us close and I don't want him to be confused in the future. I know we still got a lot of time before he truly starts to realize this, but it's better to put pause or stop this while we can. You're still married, and imagine us being intimate again. He will just grow confused, wondering if we're together or not. I'm a single woman, but I want to find someone in the future. As much as I've enjoyed last night, I can't keep doing this with you. I know we both agreed to it, but I need to respect myself as a woman more. I don't think us doing this again would do some good."

God, you really enjoyed feeling his lips and hands all over your body. You truly did. That night was special, whether he acknowledges it the same way like you do or not. You're not necessarily someone who wants to put labels on things, as long as there was consent on both parts, there shouldn't be any issue with that. You're a grown up woman who can decide what she wants. But you're also a mother, which is a huge responsibility and you can't keep acting like that young woman who couldn't get enough of the CEO in a black suit and shitty attitude. He has changed, for the better, something you've never thought you would get to see. And fuck, how proud you are of him. You really are.

But not even that means, you're going to jump back into the previous relationship the two of you had.

There's another person in your lives, your son, who's going to grow up and sense your relationship from a far. You can't act irresponsible just because he's good in bed and you've a weird chemistry going on. Your son is much important than your secret desires and lust.