After Dawn Broke

Chapter Twenty: The Dungeon (Renesmee's Point of View)

I thought the hard part of starting my own family would be knowing that we would be in danger when the Volturi came for us one inevitable day. I would have to watch my children grow up and know that one day, unlike the rest of us, they might grow old and die. If that were to happen, Jacob and I would have to live without them for an eternity. How could I live through that? Those had been my greatest fears for a long time, but not even those worries could compare to the anxieties that consumed me after things took a turn for the worst.

After years of worrying, the time had finally come. Don't get me wrong-my family and I had some really great as-normal-as-it-can-get years, but the worry had always been there, lingering in the back of my anticipating mind.

Every time I watched my children stray from my side, whether it was for one second or a few hours, a piece of my heart always followed them. I always knew there was a minute chance that any of those times could be the last. The last farewell kiss, the last comforting hug, the last goodbyes....

If I felt this way about my children, then how did my mother and father feel about me? I had the best parents anyone could ever ask for, but I always wondered how much trouble I brought into their lives. Was I really worth it? I saw how terrible my mother appeared after she brought me into the world-she was literally the face of death. I saw the excruciating pain in my father's eyes when he realized his wife wasn't breathing. I never had the courage to tell Jacob, but I even remember the look on his face as he walked in that room, determined to end my life. I may have only been a newborn, but my brain was further evolved, and something like that is not easily forgotten. Besides, I don't blame him. How would you feel towards the person who took away the one you loved the most?

I especially could not forget the time when vampires from around the world gathered to stand up against the Volturi to prove my family's innocence. Once again, the cause was me. I knew they thought I was worth it, but I wasn't so sure.

If it weren't for Jacob's existence, the world would most likely have no need for me. I loved my daughters with all my heart and even more, but I knew they didn't deserve this. They deserved normal lives. I asked myself countless times: how could I ever bear to let my own children out on their own, when the Volturi could be anywhere, just waiting for the right time to snatch them away from me? I knew my parents probably asked themselves this very question, but, even so, I was never really alone. I always had my Jacob.

Laying on the hard and damp concrete of an unknown place, I could only hope that Taylor and Elizabeth were safe and unharmed. How could I go on any other way?

Jacob had to have found our daughters and brought them to a safe location by now, I told myself. They would be safe with him. They would be safe with Jacob. They had to be. Maybe if I repeated it enough it would be true....

Over the last few hours or days or however long I had been stuck in this dreadful dungeon, I had my last conversation with Jacob stuck on repeat. His words and the faint hope that my whole family was safe was all that kept me functioning.

I often thought back to when everything went wrong.

The day had started out like any other day when I had meetings out in the city: I brought Elizabeth to the neighbors', dropped Taylor off at the high school, and arrived at my meetings at eight o'clock on the dot, as Grandpa Charlie would say. That morning's meetings were as bland as usual, lunch with my fellow coworkers who were being forced through the same torture was filled with the same meaningless gossip, and that afternoon's meetings were horrifically repetitive.

I remembered the queasy feeling I had while walking to my car, which was parked around the corner of the building away from most of the other cars, a desperate attempt to avoid dents and scratches from careless people. Initially I thought the feeling was merely caused by the human food I ate during lunch, for I always preferred blood, but when I entered my car, I knew for a fact that the smell was not right. The air was tainted with something more than just the takeout that I ordered for Jacob. My heart began to beat rapidly, and my hands shook imperceptibly as I turned to check the backseat where I left the styrofoam box in the darkened shade of the nearby building, hoping it wouldn't be overcooked in the relentless heat of the sun.