God of Speed's Redemption

Chapter 5

"I think everyone should calm down." Said Wally.

"I can take a hint that I'm not wanted here. You all are just like the future team flash I remember. Shunning me because I'm not the true Barry Allen. I should have killed all of you." I said icily, walking out of the room.

My hands were balled into fists as I punched the wall in the hallway, breathing hard. This was all a mistake. I shouldn't have let them help me. They didn't know what I was going through and all they see was a bad guy. That's all they will see me as.

I was about to run when I heard footsteps behind me. I whirled around but it was Caitlin.

"I come in peace." She held up her hands.

"Come to check on me? To see if I'm going to blow the lab? Or step out of line?" I asked.

She just shook her head. "Will you please stop talking like that? Cisco didn't mean what he said."

"I think he does."

"Just give him time okay? You did kill our friend after all. H.R was particularly close to him as you know. He won't immediately forgive you for that."

"You're always going to see me as a bad person. Someone who did horrible things. Someone who will always stay that way."

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to," I grunted.

She took a step towards him. "Look Savitar, whatever we did to you in the future, that's not who we are. Okay? Team Flash would never do something like that. I would never do something like that."

"You didn't."

"Excuse me?"

"The year 2024. Team Flash was torn apart. And you weren't Caitlin. You were Killer Frost and you were locked up so you didn't exactly have the time to abandon me as everyone did."

Caitlin just stared at him frozen. Not saying anything.

I continued. "I visited you. We only had each other because the people we thought we knew betrayed us."

"I was Killer Frost? And why was I locked away? You know what, don't say anything. It doesn't matter because it's not what's going to happen."

I tiled my head. "I didn't say it was going to happen."

Caitlin was quiet again. Shifting from foot to foot and tugging at her necklace.

I studied her. "I won't pretend like I care but is there something you want to say? I can tell there's something on your mind."

"What? No, nothing's on my mind."

I waited for her to leave but she didn't so I said, "look I'm not going to blow up this place so don't worry. You should go back to your little team."

"Cisco was partially right you know. We saved you without expecting anything in return. You should be more grateful than this." She said.

I folded my arms staring at her with amusement in my eyes. "Thanks for saving me. Happy now?"

She heaved a sigh. "You're impossible."

"That's my thing. I am impossible."

"Just like Barry."

I looked away.

"Sorry, that was insensitive of me. I know you don't like being compared to him."

I clenched my jaw. "I don't particularly care."

She finally turned away but turned back. "I almost forgot why I'm here. I wanted to talk to you about Iris."

"What about her? There's nothing to talk about." I replied coldly.

"I learned something from my therapist. People tend to deny what they truly feel and that can be a problem."

I laughed sarcastically. "I don't need a therapist Dr. Snow and I don't need to talk to you about Iris."

"Savitar, I'm trying to help you."

"I don't know why you all are trying to help me. I didn't ask for your help." I turned away from her.

She was quiet for a moment before speaking. "Some people tend to not ask for help even when they need it. But when someone's offering you help. You'd be a fool to deny it."

When I didn't say anything she continued. "You and Barry are more alike than you know whether you want to admit it or not. You both are stubborn, you both have difficulty asking for help-" she trailed off and I whooshed right in front of her, up close in her personal space.

I tried to fight down the lump in my throat. The part of him that was aching for the life he remembered. The life before the rejection. When he was Barry Allen. The family he had.

I spat out the words. "I am not Barry Allen. Do you think a little pep talk is going to make me change my mind? You have no idea what I went through. I was the one trapped in the speed force. I was the one who was abandoned and forgotten by his friends and family."

Caitlin opened her mouth but closed it again as she took a step backward. She looked like I just slapped her.

I continued. "You can't fix me so you might as well stop. I was broken and I still am. You should go before I tear that necklace from you."

Her eyes were wide with surprise, fear mixed with anger and disbelief. Her hand went to her necklace.

I glanced at it. "Yes, I know what that necklace is and what it does. I know it contains Killer Frost. If you're not wearing it, you're likely to lose control and turn into her. You should keep a close eye on it in case someone tried to rip it off of you."

Something changed in her eyes as she took another step backward. Okay, that went a little too far. I thought. She was just trying to help. She's never going to forgive me now. Not that I want her or anyone to forgive me. Then I got mad at myself for caring what she thinks of me. I wasn't supposed to care about what she feels or think about me.

"You're right. You are too far gone." She hissed as she turned away from him and went back the way she came.

Guilt crept up to him. Why am I even feeling this way? He was about to run after her and he stopped in his tracks. Instead, he ran out the other way whooshing through the city, away from the team, away from S.T.A.R Labs, away from her. But no matter how much he ran, he couldn't fight the guilt creeping up to him.