I Lose And I Gain. (BoyXBoy) {Book 1}

∞ Chapter 8 ∞

A/N: That's Taylor , or at least how I see him ↑ :)

I look at my phone once again, its been about 10 minutes now.

I decide to call exactly when I see him exiting. I sigh and hang up watching him walk towards the car holding a brown paper bag.

"Took you long enough." Is the first thing I say when he opens the car's door and slides inside the driver's sit.

"You're welcome." He says sarcastically and I feel guilt pinching my gut.

"Uh.. Yeah thank you," I say nibbling my lower lip.

"Now we're gonna go to the park instead of-"

"No! I want to go home now!" I interrupt him and blush when I realize I sound like a little kid , but he ignores me and keeps on talking "- going to your house, because we need to talk. Even if you don't want to."

I don't feel like arguing with him right now so instead I take the brown paper bag and look at what's inside.

There is a delicious yet healthy looking sandwich, a salad and a small water bottle. I sigh knowing I won't be able to eat the whole thing.

I sigh a lot lately.

"Don't worry you don't have to eat the whole thing, but at least try, okay?" He gives me a quick glance with a drop dead gorgeous smile.

I nod and try to calm my stomach who's now doing back flips.

He parks and we both get out my car, me holding the paper bag in one hand looking around the empty park, only a few people walking their dogs and a group of teenagers laughing and smoking.

"Here come," he grabs my hand and I follow, the burning sensation driving me nuts.

We both sit down on the grass him in front of me and he nods at the bag, "start eating."

I shift uncomfortably and open the bag taking the sandwich out, very aware of his gaze fixed on me.

As soon as I take my first bite he starts talking;

"I'm sorry I kissed you." He takes a big breath in and continues, "its just, I've had the biggest crush on you since forever, and finally I have the guts to do something about it but then you say you don't like like me like that and I just kinda lost it." He bits his lip and looks down at his lap.

"When you say 'since forever' what do you exactly mean?" I ask and take another bite.

"Well a little before Mark asked you to be his boyfriend, I knew Mark liked you and as a big brother I couldn't bring myself to ruin it for him."

I nod in understatement and take a sip of my water.

"So what now?" I ask him.

"Now... I guess I just want you to give me a chance."

"No way." I was Mark's. End of story.

"Why not?" He looks at me, "what did I ever do wrong?"

"Nothing its just that.. I still love Mark, and I always will." I shrug and smile sadly at the thought of Mark.

The pain in his eyes make me cringe visibly, but I quickly straighten myself, I shouldn't feel bad for him.

He knew I loved Mark and only Mark. He should learn how to control his feelings, just like I did.

Kinda.

"Fine." He finally says and I smile a little, "does that mean we're done?" I ask.

"No, you still have to keep your promise, and I have to keep mine." He shrugs.

"Huh. I doubt you'll be able to. You're the busiest person I've ever met."

"You don't get it, do you?" He asks, "I love you. Even if you don't love me back, I'd do anything for you."

My heart skipped a beat but quickly calmed down, "so why'd you ditch me all this time?" I felt like he was lying to me. He didn't make any sense.

"I guess I just didn't know things were this bad. And in my defence, I didn't ditch you. I had work to do. But now that I know you need my help more then ever I gonna do everything I can to help you."

"I don't need you 'more then ever', in fact, I don't need you at all. I'm perfectly fine."

"Keep telling yourself that."

And with that the conversion was over. I kept on forcing myself to finish at least half a sandwich, because I knew Taylor wouldn't let me go otherwise.

After that, we drove in silence back to my place.

"Night," he smiled at me and we both got out of my car. "Are you sure you don't want a ride home?" I ask and shiver as a wave of cold wind brushes by me.

"No its fine, my parents are home. Beside, you look pretty cold, you should head inside."

I nod and walk inside, picking outside through the window I saw Taylor standing in front of my house a few more moments before he turned around and left.

"Honey?" My mum calls from the kitchen, "no its me mum!" I shout as I go to my room, knowing she thought I was dad, she only called him that.

"Oh.. Are you hungry?" She came out of the kitchen and stood next to the stairs, "I already had something to eat, with Taylor. Ask him yourself." I stop and turn around, I know she doesn't trust me when it comes to food, so I had to be patient with her or she'll just end up force feeding me. Ew.

"Oh? You and Taylor hang out again?" She looked confused and surprised.

"Yeah, he came by the other day. Didn't dad tell you?"

"No.. Unfortunately me and your dad had a fight and we don't speak to each other that much. Don't worry though, we'll work it out."
Yeah, way to go mum. Its like that one time in second grade you told me before my swimming class that if I don't swim well I could drown and that it hurts a lot when you can't breath. But then added 'you'll be fine though! Don't worry I believe in you!'

Not. Helping.

"Sure." I nod and start climbing the stairs once again but stop again when my mum says "why don't you come to the kitchen, maybe drink some tea and talk a little about you and Taylor ?"

I bite my lower lip, but don't turn around. "There is no 'me and Taylor' "

"Oh Devin,but sure there is! You must like Taylor at least a bit!" She clapped her hands together and I finally turn around, "no mum. I don't. You know I still love Ma-"

"Oh for Christ's sake Devin! Move on already!" She snaps at me but then quickly covers her mouth in terror, "I- I didn't mean that.." She chokes out.

"No its fine. Whatever mum. Night." I run up the stairs and lock the door behind me ignoring my mum apologizes.

Why does everyone want me so badly to move on? They've obviously never loved someone enough to understand my position. Its impossible for me to move on.

I check my phone and sigh in annoyance when I see its late,knowing I'll probably have a hard time waking up tomorrow too.

That night when I went to bed, hearing my parents fighting and screaming because God knows what, I had the weirdest dream.

Unlike last time, I remember it the next day.