The Fish Song

All You Need To Know

"Well no but I know she won't answer." I flopped myself into the chair.

"Just try," George said, shaking his head.

"Pheph, whatever," I gagged out, shoving myself out of the chair and back towards my room. Slamming my door, I flung myself back onto the bed remembering my time spent here with DJ. I had no idea what I would say to her if I called her right now and she answered. I could write better than I could speak. I remembered Nova telling me DJ was writing me letters, so that was exactly what I was going to do. I was going to write her a letter. I sat up pulling out my notebook and my favorite pen.

My Sunflower,

Yeah I have had many talks with Emily lately and she told me her nickname for you and I think it is fitting. I hope it is okay that I called you that but I think it is true. You are my sunflower. Remember  that night in the hotel, you accidentally played Sunflower and you told me you thought I wrote it for you? I think you are right. I do think I wrote it about you. Subconsciously my soul already knew about you. I don't know why but I was destined to meet you. We were destined to be together.

First things first, all you need to know is you have a place to go. I will always be a home for you to stay. I will always do my best no matter what to have your back. I will always be someone who never judges you and loves you no matter what.

Yes life is hard but I know you and you are strong enough to overcome it all, and you will grow from it. I know you have pain. No, I may not know what it is but I want you to know you never have to hide it. Especially from me. It makes you who you are and I love who you are. I just wish you would let me hold you through the pain. I want to hold you through your pain. I want to know everything about you and love everything about you.

But what I want and what you need are two different things. You got living to do. All you have ever known is your small town until some stranger scooped you up and hauled you away with him. That was strange. I'm sorry if that was weird. We barely knew each other, but it was like from the moment I saw you I knew that you were meant to be in my life one way or another. If not as not as a couple then as best friends. I needed someone to make me laugh again and that is what you did. You needed someone to show you that it was okay to live. And that is what I want you to do.

So get up. I don't know how you are feeling right now but if it is half as bad as I have been feeling lately then I know that you are probably lying in your bed, sad right now. So get up. Turn your  light back on. I know you are hiding your brightness right now. Relight that candle and show it off to the world. Show off that sunflower. I know you know how to do it. I've seen it. I saw it that first night as you were dancing to the songs. I saw it the next morning as you were basking under the sunlight. I've seen it in the way you hide your giggles. I know the power you hold.

Get up. You can do it now. You hold the truth in your heart. It doesn't matter what is in your past, what matters is what you will gain from pushing on through your pain.

You know what you want to be doing. You know what your dream is. You want to travel, you want to see the world, you want to make your presence known. You know what you have to do. We both do. So do it. If not for yourself, for me, for my final goodbye, please live your dream. It's time to leave your bedroom, leave your small town, leave the clouds that are keeping your blue skies grey. Get up.

But all you need to know is that I will always be here to hold your hand in mine. And you don't even have to remember that. I will be here to remind you every chance I get.

I want to be that person to hold all of your feelings. To be the one person you tell it all too. I am strong enough to carry the both of us. All of the baggage from the past and all of the beauty from our future.

I know you might get sad and that is okay. I can hold you through it all. The good, the bad, and the in-between. Give it all to me.

When you are sad I will do everything in my power to make you laugh and if I can't I will just hold you and kiss your head and rub little circles into your wrist. I will do everything I can to make you feel as happy as you make me.

I can also make you warm. I know that's what you loved about me most. All those cold nights holding you close so that you wouldn't shiver. Do you remember  that first night in the bus? I know you saw me catch you looking at me naked. Secretly, even though we were just friends, I wanted you to come out of your bunk. I wanted you to come up to me while I stood there naked in front of you. I wanted you to kiss me. I wanted you to join me in the shower and I wanted to seal our fates. I wanted to be one with you forever.

I want to be someone that could shoot your dark clouds away so that you could be the sunflower you were born to be. I want you to know you'll never be alone, I will always be here. I will always be watching out. And I hope that doesn't scare you. I just want you to know that you have a place to go.

It is what it is. It is simple. I'm not going anywhere. You are stuck with me. You may not want me and you may keep me away from  you but I will still be here waiting for the day you realize we were meant to be. You and me. That is all we need. We found it. That thing some people search their whole lives for. Yeah we have it. We may not know each other completely but I know what I am feeling is real. You have to believe that. Look at us.

I know you have fears, I do too but we can handle them. We have each other. That's all we need.

All my love

-Harrifer.