Collision

x. Pain

When I got home after running away from my feelings, I simply laid in my bed, wallowing in self pity. I wanted to slap myself for being so stupid! Why would I do that to Reese?

"I'm an idiot," I mumbled to myself. I squeezed the napkin in my hand, but quickly looked to it to see if I messed it up. I didn't. What was I so scared of?

I was just afraid of everything; there was absolutely no denying that at all. I was scared that when and if I ever confessed my feelings to him, he would reject me. I know that I would reject me if I were him. I'm a scared girl not willing to take a risk even if it meant changing my life forever. But that was the thing, changing my life could mean positive or negative results and you can never be too sure, can you? Was there such a thing as too careful with your decisions in life? Of course there was and I had just blown my chances at changing my life for the better.

Then again, I might've just saved myself from all of the heartache he could have caused me. By doing so, I'd just created heartache for myself. This was a lose-lose situation for me either way. Why not just go with the one that just might come out positive in the end?

I just didn't want Reese to end up leaving me. I don't get close to many people for a reason. I haven't become close to anyone since. . . my father. I couldn't handle someone else leaving me, especially in such a way as Dad.

There was no reason for me not to trust Reese, I was being irrational and it took me way too long to realize that. I should've noticed the second I walked out of that diner; I should've walked up to Reese and kissed the hell out of him. Yes, that would've been the proper reaction.

Could've, would've, should've.

Why did I have to question everyone's intentions? Reese was a great guy, so why would he want to mess with me like that? All the times we'd spent together and I still didn't believe anything he wrote on that amazing note.

I never finished reading it, so I thought then would be a good time to.

Dear Wynter,

So I'm sitting across from you at this booth and I honestly can't get over how beautiful you are. You should know that you are truly stunning. You need to be told that every day of your life. I've been infatuated with you since I first laid eyes on you in the tattoo parlor. You took my breath away, love. That may seem silly and irrational, but I can't help it. The way you blush at any little compliment you get or the way your eyes sparkle alittle more whenever you look at me. Is this just me imagining things or do you feel the same? Wynter, you've made me really happy these past two months and we aren't even a couple, let alone the fact that I have no idea if you even remotely feel the same about me. I hope you do, but right now, I'm observing your reaction to this note, so there's no need to address it out loud. I can probably tell (; I don't mean to make you feel uncomfortable in anyway. My goal these past months has been to make you feel better about yourself and to make sure you know that you are desirable. Yes, I noticed the way you look at yourself and it breaks my heart. You are honestly the most amazing person I've met in my life. You are so humble and cute and when you're nothiding beneath that natural blush you seem to always have, you're a funny and kind person. I've honestly never met someone that could light up the room with one smile like you. It happens every single time and it brightens my day every single time I see it. I really hope I'm not weirding you out with this sudden confession, I just felt like you needed to hear it—or read it. I can truthfully say that I've fallen for you in such a short amount of time. God, I don't think you realize how perfect you are. I wish you would, but it gives me all the more reason to love you more than I should.

I said it Wynter, I'm in love with you.

- Reese

P.S. Will you do me the honor of becoming my other half? Be my girlfriend.

I slowly let go of the napkin and felt the tears coming to my eyes. His girlfriend? He loved me?

That note made me feel really good about myself for the first time in forever. I had to go and question him and make a complete fool out of myself because that's what I do best. I couldn't just accept the fact that someone as great as him felt so strongly about me. My first assumption being that someone put him up to it as a little prank, but why would he spend all of that time becoming such a good friend of mine to just blow it like that?

He wouldn't, that's why. I just wasn't confident enough to accept it.

I was not beautiful, I was not cute, I was not worthy of someone like Reese looking at me in such a way. He didn't see how much of an inconvenience I could be and I didn't want him to find out; I just wanted to stay friends because that was a lot less painful. But for who? Not me, that's for sure. And by the looks of it, it would be painful for Reese as well, and I didn't want that at all. It was the exact opposite of what I wanted actually. If pain is what was going to come out of this, I guess,

I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.