War of Hearts

Kabanata 35

Admiration

"I wanna hear your pain, Mare." Kumalabog ang puso ko nang sabihin niya 'yon.

I looked down and fondled with my thumb. Nahihiya akong malaman niya ang pinagdaanan ko. Does he know what happened?

He did not talk. He remained on his position where his eyes are still burning through my soul.

Umigting ang panga niya at pinaglaruan ang dulo ng kutsara. I took a deep breath to speak but before I could even utter a word, he spoke first.

"You don't have to say it if you don't feel like it. Just know that I'm here to listen."

"No. Gusto ko rin naman sabihin sa'yo 'to noon pa. I'm open to you especially when it comes to my problem with my family. I'm just..." hindi ko alam kung paano ko sasabihin ang mga katagang iyon.

"Just?"

Ugh! Ano ba naman 'to!

"Angry..." sobrang hina ng boses ko nang sabihin iyon.

"Uhuh... why are you angry back then?"

Is he serious? Of course I'm angry because I thought he cheated! Wala pa ko sa huwisyo noon dahil kamamatay lang ni Mama tapos kailangan ko pang mag-aral.

"Never mind that part."

"But I want to know that part." He is determined to hear my side!

I sighed and gave up. "I'm angry at you because I thought you cheated. Siguro naman nasabi ko sa'yo 'to noon?"

He look serious. His eyes were keen on observing every move I make. Why is he like that? Kinabahan ako.

"I thought you loved someone back then. I didn't know you were angry and jealous?"

Namilog ang mata ko sa sinabi niya. Teka ha! Akala ko ba gusto niyang pakinggan ang side ko? E bakit siya itong tanong ng tanong tungkol sa nangyari noong gabing iyon?

My face turned sour at his comment. Naiinis ako sa sinabi niya. Akala mong napakadaling mag-isip ng tama sa mga oras na 'yon kung puro pighati at galit ang nasa puso ko?

"I don't have the right to say to you that you don't understand what I feel cuz it's up to you how you'll see me. I just lost my Mom and heard the news of that video that Mariane posted."

Napairap ako nang maalala 'yon. That video haunted me. Maganda s'ya. Mayaman, but is it appropriate to post things like that? Only uneducated people wouldn't know when to limit.

With the way he kissed Mariane. Ugh. Ew.

Minsan, hindi ko na mawari ang group of friends ni Earl. All they think about is getting a lot of women to kneel before them.

Nakakainis na gano'n ang tingin nila sa babae at ang mga babae naman, nagpapagamit.

Minsan kasi, nasa tao na rin iyon kung magpapaalipin sila. Kung magpapakatanga ka sa lalaking 'yon. Unless the circumstances are different. Tipong pinuwersa ka. Ibang usapan na 'yon.

"Sinong makakapag-isip ng tama noon ha? Tell me, Earl? Kung ikaw ang nasa posisyon ko, makakapag-isip ka ba ng tama kundi ang pagdudahan ang sarili ko na bakit ganito na lang ang nagyayari sa akin?"

Tears were already forming my eyes and my body is already shaking from the overwhelming fear of the past.

"Why do people have to leave me? Oo, naiinis ako kay Mama dahil sa ginawa niya. Kinuwento ko pa nga sayo kung paano niya kami tinaraydor. The moment I've seen that video, parang umuulit na naman ako sa nangyari noon Earl. I don't want to repeat the history! I wanna distance my self to you kahit sinabi mo sa akin ang dahilan mo kasi hindi ko na alam kung anong gagawin!"