Only Oscar (Wattys 2022 Shortlist!)

Chapter Seven

"I thought you'd decided she was it for you, someone you could make a commitment to and -"

"Are you kidding me?" He stared at her with stark incredulity. "Every time she opened a window in her apartment, I expected woodland creatures to fly in and do her chores."

"I know, right?" Callie agreed, jumping on his response the way she would have done in the past. "I mean, seriously, how does anyone stay so up all the time without medication?"

"It was exhausting." He smiled wanly. "I can't believe you thought..." He stopped, drew in a full breath and exhaled like a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. "That's not why I was distracted."

Okay. "Then, why were you?"

"That can wait," he said dismissively. "This can't. If you wanted to know about me and Megan, all you had to do was ask."

"I figured if you wanted me to know, you'd tell me."

"If I knew you wanted to know, I would have told you," he countered. "She wasn't it for me. I knew that from the get-go."

"Then why did you stay with her?"

"There were..." The corners of his mouth twitched, his eyes sparkling in a way which suggested he was laughing one of the quiet, held in laughs which usually made her want to smack him because the joke was at her expense. Then, to Callie's amazement, a wicked smile appeared. "Benefits."

It was such an un-Oscar-like statement, her eyes widened.

"Mutual benefits," he clarified. "But that's not enough to sustain a relationship. It takes something -"

"More," Callie supplied with a small smile wavering on her lips.

"Yeah."

Her heart grew bigger. He got it. 

"You want it all."

"Doesn't everyone?"

When he pushed off the railing and stepped towards her, Callie sucked in a breath and stayed still, unwilling to risk breaking what still felt like an uneasy truce.

"You're never gonna lose me," he said firmly when he was standing right in front of her and looking deep into her eyes.

"You don't know that," Callie argued. "If we find the people we're looking for, things will change."

Oscar didn't have any difficulty following her train of thought. "It would mean spending less time together."

"We'd want to spend it with them."

"Be something wrong if we didn't."

"Yes," Callie agreed. "And if we got married, made a home with that person and had kids..."

"There'd be even less time."

"We could drift apart. It happens."

"I'm not okay with that." His deep voice was too soft, too sad, made it sound like they were saying goodbye.

Callie didn't think she could say that word to him.

Muted party noises filled the silence while time stood still and they contemplated a future without each other. It made Callie want to reach out to him, wrap her arms around his waist, hold on tight and never let go.

"You've never thought about it?" she asked.

There was no need for her to say she wasn't okay with it, either. She'd already done that by admitting her fear of losing him.