Diamond in the Rough

Chapter 12: Small Towns

"Turn your face towards the sun
Let the shadows fall behind you
Don't look back, just carry on
And the shadows will never find you"

Toward the Sun - Rihanna

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Don't you just love it when your heart feels as if it is going to burst out of your chest without your permission? Or how your stomach feels queasy? Or how you overthink so much that your brain ceases to work all together?...Yeah, me too.

It wasn't a very long ride to the school considering this isn't a very big town and my school was only ten minutes away from my house, but somehow it felt like the longest, yet shortest ride in my entire life. In a matter of minutes my heart beat was soaring, my palms were crying and I kept having to control my breathing to stop my body from trembling.

I could tell my mom was a little nervous as well. She kept stealing small, quick glances at me from the corner of her eye as she tapped the steering wheel with her index fingers and thumbs. She kept opening her mouth to speak, but she never uttered a single word, making her kind of look like a fish.

It wasn't until we neared the entrance of the parking lot that she finally found the courage to speak. She slowly pulled over to the side of the street before entering the school parking lot and parked the car. She took a deep breath before turning to face me with a forced smile displayed on her face, but I could only look at her for a split second before averting my eyes.

"I feel like I should've prepared a motivational speech for you, but you know me. I've never been great with words." Believe me, I know. "But I wanted to say that I'm proud of you and no matter what. You're stronger than you think and just in case you forgot, I love you. Always." She reached out to brush some of my hair out of the way so she could clearly see my face. I lifted my eyes for a moment towards the school before turning to look at my mother.

"I love you too mom." She sighed earnestly, as if she might have thought that I wouldn't say it back and that hurt more than I thought it would. She withdrew her hand from my shoulder and sank deeper into her seat.

"Good. You ready?" She asked, nodding towards the school and without realizing it, I had started shaking my head, for more reasons than one.

"I don't know when or if I'll ever be ready." I admitted honestly, already feeling quite deflated and tired, but that's all the more reason as to why I have to do it.

"Oh, come on. You got this, I believe in you." Well, I guess someone has to.

She smiled trying to comfort me in a way that no longer seemed to work, but I'd never actually tell her that. "Thanks mom."

"Of course, angel. Oh, by the way, do you remember the physical therapist aunt Kelly mentioned?"

"You mean the only one in this town?"

"Yes, that one. I called the other day and was able to schedule regular appointments for you on Wednesdays from 3:30 to 4:30."

"But school isn't over until three and you work late sometimes."

"Yeah, but it's only a couple blocks from here and it's good exercise for your leg." Oh joy.

"Okay. Thanks."

"Of course, angel; and don't forget about your therapy sessions on Fridays." Right...double joy. Oh how life keeps getting better and better.

"I know." I turned to face forward, hoping that she'd understand and move on from the subject, thankfully she did.

"Alrighty then, let's get you to school." She turned the car back on and slowly drove me to the entrance of the school, as if she was already regretting her decision of letting me go back to school after everything. She stopped in front of the wide, metal doors that lead to my new hell for the next nine months or so. I reached for my bag at my feet and started to open the door when my mom reached out to stop me. "Be careful, please. Oh and call me if you need anything."

I stared at my mother for a moment and I couldn't help but catch a glimpse of the oh-so-familiar fear that had seemed to take over my mother and felt completely useless and hurt. "Of course mom. Don't worry, I'll be fine. I promise."

She nodded before letting me go and I stepped out of the car with a small, tight smile on my face in hopes of easing some of her fear, whether it worked or not, I don't know. I quickly closed the door, unable to look at my mother's painful and terrified expression and slowly turned around to face the school. I could already feel dozens of eyes on me...got to love small towns.

I turned my face toward the sign on the front of the school in navy blue and grey colors saying, Riverview High School, with an image of a piranha next to it. I slowly walked towards the light, blue metal doors, trying to suppress my faint limp. I held my head up high, refusing to look at the growing crowd that oddly seemed to part as I approached. I could hear whispers which only made my anxiety that much worse, but I refuse to give up this quickly, this easily.

I could do this. I can do this. I'm no longer that scared, naively innocent girl from last year. Now I'm a strong, badass who doesn't care what others have to say and doesn't take shit from anyone. At least I hope. Let's see if I can actually pull it off.

I pushed open the doors and walked into the school where dozens of eyes seemed to be waiting for me as well.

God, this is going to be a really long day.