We are now alone in Shua's room.
"How are you?" I asked.
"Well, the CF went okay. I'm here for the past 4 days. Helping Mingyu, also scribbling some lyrics..err. How about you?"
"I'm good. I have something to give you."
I took out the elephant origami. "I bought you this."
"Wow! Origami? Oh, elephant? This is so cute!" He examined the gift and read the instructions on how to build it.
"Yeah, it's a 3D elephant. I'm glad you like it."
"Thank you, Seokmin-ah." He hugged me.
"Anyway, what's in the other paper bag? It's kinda big."
Oops, it's the elephant plushie. "Nothing. I'm just holding it." I said as I kick the paper bag farther from us.
"All right. I'm not opening this yet. I will look for a nice frame to keep the origami before building it."
Waah. He's such a gentle soul.
Okay. I'll do it now. I have to.
But I don't want to.
"Joshua."
"Hmm?"
"I know it has only been almost three weeks. But, do you have feelings for me now?"
"Hah? Uhmmm. About that. Uhmm." He looked at the different direction to avoid my eyes.
"I knew it."
"You know what? I didn't answer yet."
"You still don't like me."
"Hey. Uhm, you said it's only been three weeks, so.."
"Nah. It's okay."
"Seokmin.."
"I will stop."
We all kept quiet. I can't read his reaction.
"Joshua?"
"Wha-what?"
"I will stop courting you."
"Can.. can I ask you why?"
"Wait, are not going to stop me?"
"Uhm.."
"See. That. That's the reason. I'm gonna stop courting you because I know you already have feelings for someone else."
He grasped.
"Seokmin. I'm very sorry."
"No worries, Joshua. Besides, it's all my fault. From the start I know you like Jeo-- I know you like someone else. I just tried my shot. I told you I don't want to regret anything. I tried, I failed, so now I can move forward. That's it."
"Honestly, I was so happy when I was with you. It's true. Every moment is just full of joy and bright. You're very lovable."
"But you don- I get it."
But you don't like me. You are so kind, Joshua. I am waiting for you to tell me these four words: I don't like you.
I know you won't say it but I always knew.
"Seokmin. Can we still be friends? Like the old times.. I know it's selfish, but I don't want to lose you."
"Of course. We're still friends. We're still the same."
"Thank you so much, Seokmin." He opened his arms, waiting for me to hug it.
I don't want this to be our ending.
But I will still care for him. Forever.
I hugged him so tight. I felt the tears ran from my eyes. I wiped it hurriedly but Joshua noticed it. He held my face and wiped my tears with his hand.
Our faces are so close. We were so close, yet it didn't happen, my happy ending didn't happen.
"Okay. I'll get going then." I stood up. I can't bear to hold my pain anymore.
"Where to? Don't you want to rest?"
"I still have something to do."
"But you just got home.."
"Don't worry. I will rest right after this."
I went straight to Jeonghan's room. I knocked
"Yeah?" He said.
"It's Seokmin."
He opened the door. "What?"
I showed the paper bag.
"What's that?"
"The elephant plushie."
He paused with a shocked look on his face. "And what's with it?"
"I'm giving this to you."
"Why?"
"So you can give this to Joshua."
"Why don't you give it?"
"Why would I? I mean, we stopped dating."
He paused again, now with a brightened shock look on his face which he's trying to contain.
"When?"
"Just a while ago. I know, hyung. I'm sorry for getting in your way."
"I.. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been mad at you."
"I understand. Just, take this. I have to rest."
He took it. "Thank you so much, Seokmin."
"Don't waste it, okay? Plus, don't include the paper bag when you give it to him."
I don't want to be alone right now so I went to Soonyoung.
"Hoshi-yah."
"Oh. Why? Come in."
"So, how are you?" I asked as I sat beside him on his bed.
"Still a tiger. You? Oh wait. You are tearing up."
"Am I?"
"I see. I think you already stopped it."
"Hey. Cut it. I'm good."
"Okay, then. Just tell me when you're ready."
...
"Soonyoung."
"Oh?"
I can't say a word. My eyes just started to tear up. I am bawling out. I can't contain my pain.
Soonyoung hugged me. He pats my back as I cry on his shoulder.
"It hurts." I finally said
"It is. But you can cry it out."
I cried even harder.
"You are so strong, Seokmin-ah."
