Memoirs of the Lost Loser

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But that would expose that you know more than they do, and that might get you killed.

"Hey, you should watch nearer, Febe!" Christa pulled you closer to the center. She attracts too much attention that her mere voice sends tingles to Reiner's and Ymir's spine.

"I'm fine in this corner." You said sheepishly.

"Don't be silly, of course you should join us! You are one of us!" The higher ups looked at the commotion now. Are you... hallucinating, or is Erwin looking at you with a smirk on his face? Does he remember you?

"Hey, Febe, you should play some songs! I'm sure they geezers have never them before!" Sasha is a loud piece of megaphone.

"Sasha you shouldn't call them geezers!" Christa corrected the brunette hunter. Sasha had always been the honest one. You chuckled at her remark, as much as you shouldn't.

"Kids," you shook your head while muttering under your breath. You stole a glance at Shadis and Erwin who is definitely staring at you. To make it worse, Jean has your guitar and Reiner has that smirk on his face.

Levi just bore a hole on the whole act. You could tell he had always been a big fan of the arts.

"You should play!" Jean cheered as you died inside. So much for being low profile. You worked hard to not get noticed and it's crumbling down the closer they dragged you on stage. You scanned the whole room as you caught your guitar. They wore silent smiles of anticipation; some cheered, some just incoherently loud... okay this has got to stop. The higher ups observed the commotion, and getting noticed is not exactly a part of the plan.

"It's graduation, you should make memories!" Memories of what? Hanging out with teenagers? You don't want them to give you a name to remember. Because you'll remember them, and what happened to them.

They don't need to know you. It's enough that you're the only person to carry the loss of saying goodbye so soon.

And as much as you don't want to feel anything for them, you spent years with them.

And it's starting to spill.

"Okay, okay, I'll sing." And Christa let you go, as the crowd cheered louder when you took the stage.

"This is um," You looked at their expectant faces. You breathe deeply to calm the nerves. It's just different when you play for anonymous audience. No expectation for you to be good in the plaza, but right now? The pressure built above your shoulders like you owe them the best performance you could possibly give.

You strummed the guitar checking for off keys, and as much as you're tempted to go on a Taylor Swift rampage, you settled on the song written by Coldplay, and sung by Embrace.

"This is um— oh well fuck, let's get this over with." You didn't realize that you told them your exact thoughts until everyone cracked a laugh, followed by silence.

Levi watched.

His whole squad watched.

Erwin watched.

Hange was preoccupied with something.

Moblit was nagged.

Miche was drunk.

Pyxis was tipsy, but watched.

And you picked the first notes.

"Honey, It's been a long time coming... and I can't stop now..."

You started bashfully at first, when you saw everyone stared at you like: 'what is this bitch singing?' But the longer you played, the quicker their stares turned to feelings that you are familiar with: sadness and in the midst of it all, hopefully, a relieving conclusion.