[listen to this, cheer up ur day]
Okay I don't know what's going on but I feel legit empty. You guys are really really really sweet! I hope you're always happy.
I feel like I'm fine, but why do I get upset and slightly depressed at times? Like really, according to the research I did. It turns out I'm an "Ambivert"
That means neither I am an introvert nor extrovert. That makes it hard for me. It is not so easy. One example: I'm able to talk to many, text many but when it's me all alone; empty. There's no-one to talk with me.
I'm sorry I don't know what I'm talking about, these are just the thoughts that come. Thus, what I mean to say is ; There are many people whom I could communicate with but there's no one whom I consider to be true.
I doubt everyone.
I know I'm awful but don't worry I'll always be good to you.
I would always put out a hard wall around me, showing that it doesn't even matter to me one bit or "I don't give a damn about it"
But deep I know, it's a small amount that I feel. I feel sorry for myself. So sorry. Because I'm the worst person.
No, I don't need anybody's sympathy. Please don't say...
There are times, where I don't feel like talking to anybody. That's what I feel like shutting everybody out. It'll make me more lonely.
When I'm out online, to talk to someone. There's none present. Even if I get one, it makes me feel lonely.
I try hard not to let these feeling in. Couldn't help thinking.
They prevent me from listening to my favorite artist. Now see, I'm scared of hearing footsteps near my room. If someone is coming and will see that I'm listening to them.
I don't wanna see the dissapointed look on their faces, I don't want to hear the same sentence overall again and again.
Yet I wonder, what will they do? How far would they go? Delete their pictures? Or songs? Videos? Only this much right?
But they don't understand that they can't erase them from this heart.
So then? They'll use a simple way to crush my feelings then?
Nobody understands, I thought my one close friend will understan and there she's out there also rambling the phrase which I'm used to hear everytime. "Stop listening to them, leave them. Snap out of it! "
She doesn't understands too hmm?
Maybe this is how we all were supposed to be.
Maybe be this is how we live, yes maybe I'm wrong here. Yes I'm wrong.
Because after every mistake I make, I remind myself. " It was my mistake, my fault. I was wrong."
-fin
