[Note : to the people reading , I actually wasn't genuine towards this book and I wasn't paying much attention to it and the proper care . From now on I've decided that I will update more often]
To keep you updated ofc ;-)
Saturday, 29 /2020
Dear people,
Life took great turns since last year, losing friends , becoming strong and mostly changing.
I was so busy with fighting and fighting till now I realized that what I've completely missed onto.
My previous classmates I loved and thought that they are precious. Now my heart just broke after learning about their assumption me.
I usually didn't knew what being treated poorly felt like. I had felt that they were slowly pushing me away. Or like we were becoming distant.
The people of my previous class, stopped talking to me. Like I wasn't even present. After joining the "quiet girls group " I feel like sh*t.
One day in right middle of the class, D*** a boy from my class indirectly insulted me for having a dark skin. Or that's what I felt like he did.
He was like, " Oh! Dh**** said that I looked like that black poet who wrote the poem 'We wear the mask'
"
I exactly knew what he was trying to associate me with. To be honest it felt more terrible because it came from the mouth of that boy who I called my precious bro.
And I questioned myself, after all these years we spent together in the same class. This is how he thought about me?
And behind my back did he fully revealed his true self?
It hurted though I didn't mind it that much.
Now that it feels like I can't exactly trust the whole class. Just like how I say everytime , no-one to trust.
And I know I shouldn't cause all are liars, they only come to me pretending to be fake-nice.
Even my one friend backtalks about my other friend. And I know I can't trust her because goddamn who knows what she says about me with her so called bestfriend.
I hope you understand how would've felt.
And about that comment I absolutely heard it. And I decided to ignore it because I knew this is not the right time to say.
Or am I allowing them to hurt me a second more?
Okay, he will face karma that's it.
That's what i thought later. But when I told it to my friend who seems trustful, she scolded me that why I didn't directly confronted him.
That made me think, I should've done something now I regret it. But my heart says it's okay to be quiet for sometime.
Somebody please resolve this for me, I beg to you.
And you see , I am hurting inside.
I'm tired of giving everyone that smile that I don't like and nodding everytime.
I wish to turn time back.
I wish to fight more, I wish I was ....
I was..... somebody.
Time comes when I feel hollow inside. When I'm their to listen to their misery but when it's me, they just don't understand.
I'm frustrated by this whole bestfriend thing.
Sorry people no offense but I feel as if even how many times I try, I always get stepped on.
I'm tired of.... tired of always being positive. Always looking for a friend.
When there is none when there is need.
Lastly, I'm (trying) to be positive and I learned some comebacks .
Wanting to be savage or even sarcastic. But tured out people were jealous of my tongue that they made a fan club of me behind my back and gossing stuff and spreading rumors about me.
*chuckle*
Now I don't know where life would take me to. But definitely I will try to be a better version of myself. Even though now I've convinced myself that maybe these people are not worthy of being my friends and I'm life there would be many more opportunities .
Well, today was my Sanskrit paper or exam it's a tradition of what you call it old / ancient language. Or language our old people used to speak in old times .
I felt today as if I didn't do good .
And the whole class made some plans but I wasn't notified my one friend told me about it she told the names of people involved in it. And that made my stomach flip hard.
My all friends were included but not me.....
................
Why?
Hurts like hell but okay okay
They all got in because maybe they all are "important " not me.
Don't know how long I'll keep it up but I'll try.
Guys! My first longest chapter!!!!! 801words written almost!!!
I hope to know your opinions about this, please try to comment and stay safe.
봄날 ~
보고싶다 ♥
I love you ♥
