HONESTLY

Frustration

The sound of the phone in my pocket interrupted any pep talk Nate was about to give me.

"Hi, Lily," I said, answering the phone and knowing the only person on the other end would be her.

I flashed a funny grin to Nate, acting like I was still present with him in the room and half-listening to anything my public relations expert was about to say.

"It's me, Nicky," Reed said in a softer tone.

I went from kidding around to flashing an awkward smile towards Nate, trying to diffuse the uncomfortable situation I found myself in. I quickly popped up out of my seat and walked to the other side of the room.

"Hi...how are you?" I asked, not knowing what to do as I turned my back to Nate knowing he must've assumed something was up.

"I'm fine. I just wanted to hear your voice and know that you were alright," he said sweetly.

"That's really nice of you. I'm fine, really," I said, glancing over in Nate's direction to find him with his entire body facing my direction, obviously my conversation had peaked his interest.

"Is Lily there?"

"You're getting rid of me that fast," Reed responded.

I nervously laughed, "Of course, not. I just want to make sure she's greenlighting this convo. I'm trying to follow her rules, you know how she gets," I said anxiously.

Reed assured me that Lily did know about the call, and that she was actually standing five feet away from him.

"I did have to bribe her," he said, laughing as I heard Lily in the background shouting, "NOT TRUE. "I couldn't help but smile at the thought of the two bickering back and forth, they were complete opposites.

I felt Nate's eyes piercing a hole into the phone trying to end the call. Before I could get Lily on the phone, Reed was adamant he wanted to apologize to me. He felt the fans were being too critical of me, and he hated that they had taken his side automatically. He even confessed he would've made something up to take the heat off of me if he had more time.

As I thanked Reed for the gracious and kind call, I tried turning my back to Nate as I softly spoke into the phone, hoping he couldn't hear much. A few seconds later, Lily grabbed the phone and revealed to me she had secured a major, sit-down interview with one of the biggest entertainment reporters around. Before I could ask her any questions, she was quick to add she wouldn't disclose anything else, and I'd have to live in suspense until the next day to find out all the details.

Right as I was about to end the call with Lily, I turned around to look at Nate. He quickly stood up, "I'm going to make some lunch," he said in a monotone voice, unable to disguise his jealousy.

I had no time to respond or react as he disappeared into the kitchen. A small part of me was relieved I had a few moments to gather my thoughts. Just like how the lyrics for my new song escaped me, I was at a loss for words on how to explain the phone call.

I walked out to the backyard where Nate was grilling hamburgers and hotdogs for lunch. I'd never seen a man flip a burger with one hand while holding a Corona in the other, all the while looking so sexy, but he accomplished the impossible feat. I stood in the doorway, trying to test the waters and assess Nate's reaction to my presence.

"You can come out here, I'm fine," he said without looking up at me.

I quietly walked towards the chairs and sat down.

"You want one," he said, finally glancing over in my direction and gesturing to his beer.

"Sure, I guess," I said.

He placed his beer down on the side of the grill and grabbed another one from a cooler underneath.

He walked over to me, removing the cap before nonchalantly handing me the cold bottle. He retreated back to the grill without a word.

"You know, he never slept in my bed," I said, trying to explain my relationship with Reed.

"Really Nick?" he said, turning around to look at me, annoyed I would even go there.

He focused his eyes back on the grill and aggressively started to rotate the hot dogs with some tongs.

"I'm trying to tell you he's a really nice guy. I'm not going to lie to you about that. We have a lot in common. He was a friend way before anything happened," I acknowledged without guilt in my voice until Nate interrupted.

"Sounds familiar."

"But he's not you."

Nate didn't respond and didn't turn around. Instead, he remained focused on his cooking and nothing else. I wasn't sure if any of my words were getting through to him so I took a few swigs of my beer for courage and stood up.

"Are you listening to anything I'm saying?" I asked.

As I walked towards him, he continued to be distant and unable to engage with me at that moment.

I walked up to him and placed my hand softly on his back.

"I never thought you'd come back into my life. Don't you understand by now, Reed never really had a chance. No one did. You were the only one I've ever wanted," I said emphatically.

Silence filled the air, then Nate simply turned towards me and embraced me for a long time. It was like he didn't want to let go of me, and I didn't want to let go of him.

"I'm sorry," he said as he hugged me even tighter.

We held onto one another for a long time as our lunch charred on the grill. We both didn't seem to care.