Being My Brother-in-law's Wife [INKITT]

DELETING THE BOOK

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NOW...BACK TO MY LIFE STORY...

Hi everyone! :)

I am Pamela Motshwane but most of you guys know me as the author of this here book, a book I wrote five years ago at the age of sixteen.

I have read the comments over the years and they are getting more and more brutal each day (yuh ha.a guys). I thought it would be fair if I just gave a little background information about me! :)

I relate a lot to Jae. I have a lisp. I have big hair (at the time when I was writing, I was transitioning and had a poofy mess of hair) that I had to fight for. My mom used to relax my hair by force and that took a lot away from my identity. I then went to an all-white high school where Afrikaans (a South African language) is spoken predominately and I had to assimilate quickly. I learned how to speak that colonizer's language lmao and lost majority of my "blackness", if I can say that. I hung around the white kids a lot and every day in class, the notion that "white is superior" was ALWAYS drilled into my head. I found myself underestimating myself, feeling insecure, and looking up at my white peers (aka like my girl Jae).

Then I moved to a school that was predominately black and I got my first culture shock. I saw so many textures of hair and my best friend rocked a thick TWA (teeny weeny afro) with pride. I loved the way she walked, I loved the way she carried herself and as her hair grew thicker and bigger, shit I marveled in her beauty (I still do to this day!). I never knew I could have it in me. The natural confidence. The ability to bask in my blackness with no shame. As far as I knew back then, I had to become "white" in order to be liked.

Back in 2015, natural hair representation L A C K E D. The only curl patterns that were shown were the 3As, 3Bs, 3Cs, 2Bs and I'm sure you could imagine my expression when I found that I had thick 4B/4C growing underneath my processed relaxed hair. I didn't know how to take care of it and I went to a stylist I trusted, who told me that by putting in the relaxer for 4 minutes MAXIMUM, my hair would be easier to manipulate and braid.

I sort of passed away, ascended into the heavens, damn near dissipated into ash and dust when my hair came out bone straight after washing the relaxer out. I was back to square one and started my natural hair journey once again. I mostly did DIYs and followed online instructions as to how I'd deep-condition, LOC etc. (We didn't explore Jae's hair drama at ALL).

My mother and I don't have the best of relationships and I think why I didn't focus much attention on the shaky relationship Jae and her mother shared was because my mother and I are both passive-aggressive. We don't address shit on sight and it is swept underneath the carpet until the bulge gets too big and one of us stubs their toes in it and words start flying. I respect my mother immensely and I may have been dramatic when it came to Jae and her mother's relationship.