madeline // a Taylor Swift adoption

30 // all my fault

the car ride home was silent besides the sniffles that were coming from me... i cried the entire 25 minute car ride.
taylor cried when sarah told her.
i was supposed to be the one to tell her, but i couldn't spit it out.
as soon as we got out of the elevator and into taylor's apartment, i crutched my way over to my spot on the couch.
"i'm gonna take a shower." taylor yelled from the staircase, and then headed up to her room.
going upstairs to my room is too hard, so i sleep down here instead.
i made myself comfy on the couch and put on greys anatomy.
i had already watched all of it, but i didn't care. i planned on sitting on my phone anyway.
when i opened up twitter, the very first thing that i saw was the video of me again.
the video of me screaming in pain.
how embarrassing.
i paused the video and zoomed in to look at myself a bit more.
i'm not that skinny... am i ? personally, i think i look normal.
but sarah kept telling me and taylor that i was sick... i'm not sick.
i'm not throwing up, or coughing, or anything.
i'm fine.
i continued scrolling through my timeline, liking a few posts from taylor's fans, and then shut my phone off.
i looked at the time on my watch and noticed that it was only 7, but i decided that i was gonna go to sleep anyway.
today was hard, and i was exhausted.
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taylor's pov

after i got dressed from my shower, i headed back downstairs to find maddie sleeping in her spot on the couch.
i sat down on the other end of the couch and watched her as she slept.
i wasn't surprised when i heard the news today, but at the same time, i was.
i knew awhile ago, but i was in denial.
sarah told me that this wasn't my fault, and so did maddie, but i couldn't help but think that it was.
if she wasn't with me, then there wouldn't be headlines written about her calling her fat.... she's a child. the fact that people think that that's okay at all scares me.
i went through the same thing, and i wouldn't wish it upon anyone, let alone my kid.
i got up and grabbed a glass of water, and then i stepped out onto the balcony that overlooked the city of nashville.
then, out of nowhere, i started to cry.
i should've known.
or, i should've pushed her to tell me more instead of blowing it off.
this is all my fault.
-
maddies pov

i woke up in the middle of the night on the couch, surprised to see taylor sleeping right across from me.
normally she sleeps in her room, but i guess not today.
it was 4:30 in the morning and there was no chance i'd be going back to bed... that's what i get for going to bed at 7 i guess.
the tv was still on, so i decided to turn on a movie since i had to be up for school in a couple of hours.
i turned on the lorax, completely forgetting that taylor had a part in this movie.
about an hour into the movie, i was interrupted by a soft voice from across the couch.
"maddie?" taylor said quietly. "why are you up already?" she asked as she looked at the time on her phone.
i shrugged my shoulders and turned my head back towards the tv.
as soon as taylor saw what i was watching, she let out a small laugh.
"the lorax , huh? good movie." she said, sitting up and scooting herself closer to me. she wrapped her arm around my shoulders and pulled me into her. "i love you." she said, kissing the top of my head. "and i'm so sorry that you have to go through this."
"it's not your fault.." i started to say, but when i looked up at her, i noticed she was crying. "it's not your fault.." i repeated, and then i laid my head down in her lap.
we just sat there with the movie playing in the background for the rest of the morning, and then around 6:30, taylor got up to make us some breakfast.
now that she knows, i'm gonna have to eat whatever she gives me.
"here," said taylor walking into the living room with a small plate. "i made you some egg whites and a piece of toast. i know how you feel right now, and i'm not gonna force you to eat big things... that comes later on when you start to feel better." she said, then went upstairs to get me some clothes for school.
how does she know how i feel?