The Gray Youth

Keep Me Afloat

                                             |4|

SHE felt like a moth caterpillar stuck in a cocoon too small for it. Just kept there isolated and trapped. Unable to get out but needing to stay put.

And there was a sort of catatonic state to her behavior. A state that was beginning to take over her mind as well. She lied in bed and gazed at the swinging ceiling fan.

Why did she forgive him so quickly?

A question that boggled her mind endlessly. A situation that should not warrant such a question to be asked in the first place. She should've at least taken some time away to think about it. To make a rational decision but waking up in the hospital after passing out by the road...

It took her back to that painful memory four years ago and she just wanted her husband, her life partner, her remedy, her weakness, her torturer. No one else. Just Alfie. When he came bursting through the door, he desperately clung to her – crying and silently begging for forgiveness. Without thinking, she did and fell into a deep slumber right after.

And now she laid waiting for him to come for her.

Tears weren't even left to cry. All she felt was this deep-rooted emptiness. When she was around Alfie it felt like sweet relief but then she looked in his eyes and saw his regret and something akin to anger. Oh how his eyes that were once care-free and bright now dimmed with an eerie darkness and seemed to only shine when he was crossed or being intimate. And then now, this is what it takes for him to look at her like he once did. Being around him now felt like a pleasure that was in sight but too far to reach.

So she just sat back and watched it float above her. Watched it dance in the wind and call her. But her arms were getting tired, and she didn't have the energy to stand on her legs.

It was strange how one incident four years ago could change two people so much. Quietly destroy them and eat away at the last shred of humanity they had left. And sadly for her, he was that source of happiness – only thing was, he, too was broken.

Alfie opened the door with a wheelchair and smiled softly. She twitched her lips in something looking like a smile and slowly moved from the bed and sat in the comfortable chair.

"After one month in this hell-hole, I'm glad to have you back home." He says above her.

She glances at the different rooms as she's being pushed to the exit.

                                              *****

"It's not too hard, is it?"

She set the cup down and swallowed the hot tea. "It's okay."

He turned to get the tray of breakfast and placed it on her lap then proceeded to tuck the duvet around her better. A sudden want of solidarity came over her and it increased the more he tried to do everything for her.

"Alfie, it's fine. You don't have to do this."

He shook his head and chuckled nervously. Reaching for the remote and moving to turn on the TV.

"Alfie.."

He switched through the channels and then walked over to adjust the stereo where speakers were wired up all around the room.

"Alfie."

Then, he came back over to her and started taking out her medication in a plate. His hands shaking as he placed them one by one and then he stretched his hand too far and tipped over the water, wetting her t-shirt that stuck to her stomach.