Downtown Girls: Arrivederci Santander

Unworthy

Arrividerci Santander

"Did something happen?" Danielle, my cousin, asked with a worried look on her face. I thought she left already. I walked past her and made my way to the wine bar. Pagkatapos ng eksena namin kanina ni Alaska, I feel like I've drained all my energy. Wala naman siyang ginawa but, I feel like I was lost in the middle of the desert — hot and thirsty. "Is it about that married woman again?" She asked again, emphasizing the last three words.

Umupo ako sa high chair at nagsalin ng alak sa baso. How ironic is this? I need water but, I'm drinking this. "Not her," I replied. "It's someone else." Kinuha ko ang baso at tumabi sa kaniya ng upo. "Why are you here? Akala ko ba babalik ka ng Italy after your court hearing this afternoon."

"Mom's pushing me to know this girl," she answered, evading my question. Tiningnan ko siya, hindi naman mukhang problemado ang isang 'to. She's doesn't even look against it. "The woman's a province girl."

I hummed. "What's wrong with that?" Inalok ko siya ng alak but, she declined. That's weird, sa mga pinsan ko, siya ang alam kong hindi tumatanggi sa alak. "Mas maganda nga 'yon para makalimutan mo na ang ex-girlfriend mo."

Wow, I can't believe that I just said that. Sa akin pa talaga nanggaling. I shook my head and drank the remaining brandy.

"I don't engage myself with someone who doesn't reach my standards. She keeps on cursing me. She wears rugged clothes. She's too tall. And, guess what?"

"What?"

She closed the book she's reading and faced me. Masiyadong comical ang facial expression niya, parang diring-diri siya. I don't know, I can't explain it. Natatawa ako. "She's a tindera from a sari-sari store. Seriously? I can't comprehend my mother's joke this time."

Hindi ko na napigilang tumawa ng malakas. God, her face is so funny! Kinurot ko ang magkabilang pisngi niya, "maybe she's a good person. Knowing Tita Daniela, she can sense a person's hidden identity. Dog Nose nga ang tawag sa kaniya dati sa work niya, 'di ba?"

Her mother, Tita Daniela, worked with the NBI before. My father, her mother, Clio's father, and Selene's mother are siblings. Selene and Clio grew up here while we, Danielle and I, grew up in Ecuador. Kaya lang, when I turned thirteen, umuwi na kami sa Pilipinas at tanging si Danielle nalang ang naiwan sa homeland namin kasama si Tita. Pero, kahit ganoon pa man ay close kaming lahat sa isa't-isa. We treat each other like real siblings.

"Clogged nose, you mean," she retorted. Napapailing nalang ako sa kaniya. "So, what about you? Did you already smack your head, Arrividerci? When will you realize your worth?"

Natahimik ako, napatulala. Am I still even worth it? Or...am I really worth the risk? "Hindi ba ako pwedeng ipaglaban? Kahit isang beses lang..."

Hanggang kailan ba ako mananatili sa sitwasyong ito? Makakaahon kaya ako sa araw na sasabihin ni Serrin na ang asawa niya ang pipiliin niya?

"You shouldn't ask that question, Arriv. The right one will not make you doubt your worth."

I sighed, sana ganoon nga kadali isipin ang lahat. Sana ganoon kadali na hindi mag-doubt sa sarili. Sana...

"Anyway, I'll just take a walk around," pagkuwa'y untag niya, "I need to breath. Wanna join me?"

"Sure, magbibihis lang muna ako. I feel stinky," nagpaalam muna ako sandali sa kaniya para magpalit ng damit. I just wore a simple plain shirt and high waist short and went back to Danielle. Nasa labas na siya ng bahay at hinihintay ako. "Tara?"