Words of Caution and Advice to Muslim Sisters
What is unfortunately becoming a not so uncommon occurrence is the preying of so-called people of knowledge on Muslim women resulting in situations where transgressions against Allāh (ﷻ) take place. What some of these people will do is manipulate Islamic texts to suit their desires, make the student feel guilty in questioning their authority or knowledge, ask students to reveal personal and private information about themselves, and make claims like these disobedient acts are allowed when it is with a “shaykh” or for the purpose of seeking knowledge. With this in mind, there are some basic principles we would like to re-emphasize to ensure that learning in our religion is not compromised by these misguided predators.
1. The issue of “khalwah” (being in a state of seclusion with a non-maḥram)
In general, a maḥram is a male person forbidden for a woman to marry such as (but not limited to) her father, grandfather, maternal and paternal uncles, brothers and brothers from foster-nurses, sons, nephews, and husband. Those who do not have a legislative prohibition from being allowed for a Muslimah to marry is non-maḥram.
‘Abd-ul-Lāh ibn ‘Abbās (رَضِيَ اللهُ عَنْهُمَا) narrated that the Messenger of
Allāh (ﷺ) said:
لَا يَخْلُوَنَّ رَجُلٌ بِامْرَأَةٍ إِلَّا وَمَعَهَا ذُو مَحْرَمٍ
“Let not a man be in a state of seclusion with a woman except if she has a maḥram with her” (Agreed upon).
This statement is general, and no exception is given for people of knowledge or others deemed righteous and trustworthy among the people. The issue of seclusion extends beyond physical meetings to having private conversations with the opposite gender over the phone, via email, and through the use of social media apps. There is no reason a true person of knowledge would object to others being present during a meeting or conversation to ensure the boundaries of Allāh (ﷻ) are not transgressed! This is a legislation within the sharī’ah, and one would expect a person of knowledge to understand and respect this.
Therefore, no Muslimah should accept:
A) An invitation that would allow herself to be in a situation where she is physically alone with a male, whether it is to learn about the religion or otherwise.
B) An invitation that allows for a private conversation to take place between herself and a male unless a maḥram of hers is able to be a part of the conversation (or it is in a group environment or public forum that conducts itself in an Islamically appropriate manner for the purpose of learning the religion).
C) Any request to send personal details that are irrelevant to a matter of gaining knowledge. This may include (but is not limited to): Age, weight, marital status, physical features, or any details about the past. No one has the right to force a person to reveal information about their past if it is not a matter before a shar’ī judge for judicial reasons. If a matter is concealed from the people in this worldly life, Allāh (ﷻ) may allow it to be concealed from a person’s Record in the Hereafter. Why allow this mercy to be sacrificed?
2. Matters having to do with “wilāyah” (guardianship):
In general, a walī is the guardian of a woman as defined by the sharī’ah and is charged with her caretaking and well-being. This can be the husband, if the woman is married, or a particular maḥram member of the family as accorded by the sharī’ah. What many unscrupulous people do is invalidate the wilāyah of the rightful walī and assign themselves or others in place of him; and most commonly, by declaring the walī as being murtad (an apostate). While it is true, a murtad cannot be the walī of a Muslimah, there are many factors that must be taken into consideration, such as:
