Death Becomes Us (Dazai x Reader)

Chapter One

"Hmm, he's late." stated Kunikida, staring intently at his watch, "At this rate I'll have to cut down my lunch break to keep everything on schedule."

"Maybe he got lost." suggested Tanizaki as he got to his feet, walking over to where the rest of the group was lingering, staring at the office door.

"Maybe he's just nervous." Y/n shrugged, "I remember how nervous I was my first day here... You said he passed his test with flying colors though, right?"

Kunikida nodded as the door opened to reveal a bandaged man with messy brown hair and soft chocolaty eyes.

"Is that him?" whispered Y/n to Rampo behind her hand and Rampo nodded slightly.

"Dazai Osamu," said Kunikida as he slowly turned to face the new comer, "you are approximately seven minutes late. You have thrown my entire day off schedule, what do you have to say for yourself?"

The man, Dazai, stood still for a moment. Suddenly, a nervous smile broke out across his face and he awkwardly scratched the back of his head.

"Sorry Kunikida, I got a little lost on my way here."

Kunikida's eye twitched in annoyance.

"Wow!" Y/n gasped, jumping down from the desk and jumping over to the newcomer, "That was so cute!"

He turned bright red immediately and looked away.

"Y/n," called Tanizaki as he walked over to Dazai as well, "look! You don't wanna embarrass the new guy."

"Sorry." she mumbled as he placed a hand on her head, ruffling her hair slightly.

"What are you all doing to that poor girl." came Yosano's voice as the door opened and closed once more.

"They're torturing me! You have to help me back to life!" cried Y/n in a teasing tone, her hand placed theatrically to her chest.

Yosano let out an endearing laugh as she came up beside Y/n.

"So, should we do introductions?" she suggested after an uncomfortable moment of silence and Kunikida nodded.

"I suppose I will go first." He sighed, pushing up his glasses with a single finger, "I am Kunikida Doppo, ability: Doppo Poet."

"Tanizaki Junichiro. My ability is called Light Snow." Tanizaki said next with a friendly smile.

"Yosano Akikio, ability: Thou Shalt Not Die." said Yosano in her normal prim and proper cadence, offering the man a hand which he hesitantly shook, "I look forward to treating you."

"Yosano! don't freak him out!" yelped Y/n, seeing her friend's sickly grin and the disturbed look look it caused in Dazai's eyes.

Dazai dropped Yosano's hand and turned to face Y/n expectantly.

"I'm l/n y/n but everyone calls me Y/n, so I guess you can too! My ability is called Deus ex Machina." she said with a smile, her wings spread out behind her in excitement as she held out a hand for him to shake.

"God from the machine." he mused, examining her hand rather than taking it.

"Nice to see there is someone else here who received a proper education." Y/n teased, pointedly looking around at her coworkers.

Rampo rolled his eyes in response and Yosano settled a hand on her hip.

"You'll finally have someone to irritate with your rants about language structures now." she teased right back.

"It's not my fault you all can't appreciate how cool it is that ancient Greek has accents that literally tell you how to breathe when you're saying the words." she replied in a disapproving tone before turning back to Dazai, her hand still outstretched, "Are you gonna shake my hand or is this how we live now?"

The question startled him. It was the familiarity with which she said it, as if Y/n had known Dazai just as long as the other Agency members. There was something almost frightening about it, the trust she had extended towards him in that hand.

After a moment, barley anything more than a second's hesitation, he brought his own hand up to hers and grasped it gently. Her handshake was surprisingly firm for someone so visually sweet. He let go, their hands falling to their sides. He turned to face the final man in the room, awaiting his introduction as Y/n took a step back, falling into line beside her friends. 

Noticing he had no intent on responding to Dazai's inquisitive gaze, Y/n elbowed Rampo lightly. When he turned to face her, his brow slightly furrowed, she tilted her head towards Dazai with a knowing look. Not a word was exchanged yet they understood each other perfectly. Rampo sighed.

"I'm Edogawa Rampo." he announced smugly, "Ability: ultra deduction! The only reason that this place can even be called a detective agency is because of me and my ability."

Dazai merely hummed in response.

"So what's your name?" asked Tanizaki after a moment, "Y/n and I weren't here when you got tested the other day."

"Oh, I'm Dazai Osamu. Ability: No Longer Human!" the brown haired man exclaimed with a smile.

"Really? Sounds intense. Whats it do, pretty boy?" asked Y/n with a teasing smirk.

Kunikida slapped the back of her head lightly.

"You're such a menace." he grumbled as she looked up at him, rubbing the spot he had hit

"Pretty boy..." Tanizaki repeated under his breath.

"Well," said Dazai with a smirk as he slowly approached the shorter girl who turned her gaze back to him, "I can annul the skill of anyone with a single touch."

As he said the word touch, he leaned into Y/n and tapped her nose slightly.

Her face turned bright red and her lips parted slightly as she looked him dead in the eyes.

"Alright bandage boy." she said after a moment, "You can stop the act now."

status: rewritten December 10th 2023

Edited: January 27th