The Ceo's Ex-Wife

|| 33 ||

after about an hour roaming around the streets of New York I made my way back to Lucas's place, question still swarmed my mind, as the memory of what happened replayed on repeat in my mind

why did he kiss me

why did I kiss back

how was things complicated

does he have feelings for me? no that cant be it he said it himself we are partners, that blasted term, I shouldn't have this feeling of dislike towards that term, but I did.

do I have feelings for Lucas?

No I couldn't that wouldn't make sense, but then why do I feel this way, maybe because he is toying with my feelings, that has to be it, this is all a game to him

I thought I could remain professional enough to get through this project, but now I don't know, what happens next? Can I face him? how do I even talk to him? I shouldn't talk to him, it was a mistake, I knew this from the start, I just need to keep my mind away from wandering, and focus, the sooner I get this done the sooner I can leave, along with these feelings.

I really was a bitch, for snapping at him and yet continuing to stay at his house, but there was nothing I could do, all the hotels near the city were fully booked, even the ones outside, the closest one was by new jersey and I wasnt about to commute an hour and thirty min a day at 5 in morning just to make it on time, and I couldnt ask Jade or Lily if I could stay at one of their places, knowing them they would instantly worry something happened, and though something did happen that I was still unready to address, I didnt want them to go full protective mode, Jade telling Rosie, Lily telling Dmitri, I didnt need them to foght my battles, not to mentions this is supposed to be strictly business, its me who is making things personal

I wanted to bury myself and hide, thankfully Lucas wasnt home yet, so I still had time to hype my self up in the mirror to prepare to ignore him

if you didnt have feelings for him you, it wouldnt be hard to ignore him my subconscious spoke, making my mood even more sour than it already was

I dont have feelings, I cant have feelings.

Feelings are a dangerous thing, they lead to a rollercoaster, that it lit on fire.

Not the best way to explain it but thats what I feel.

Feelings cloud ones judgement, they get in the way of serious things, they end up giving false hope leading to one's fall, feelings are scary, they can be anything, and just because you might have a feeling towards someone it doesnt mean they feel the same way, which is just the beginning of a disastrous end.

"Valery"

I wasnt gonna reply, I can't let my emotions get the best of me, I am overacting.

"Valery please I'm sorry"

"Don't be you have nothing to be sorry for I am just overacting, lets just-"

"Don't do that" he says taking a step closer "Your feelings are valid, and I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like I was toying with them"

"then why did you say it's complicated" I hesitantly say as I hug myself, I didn't wanna bring it up but it was really eating at me, and if he wanted to talk about it this is what I was gonna bring up, I tried to keep my emotions at bay

"You really don't remember me do you"

"what are you talking about, are you trying to change the topic" I ramble

"I care about you Val, even now, even before, thats why it's complicated"

"I don't understand"