𝑅𝑒𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑃ℎ𝑜𝑒𝑛𝑖𝑥 ✔︎ || 𝐶𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑒𝑡𝑒𝑑

18

~ phoenix ~

I looked around the room, frantically trying to conjure a convincing lie. But would it be of any use? Apparently, they'd be at the wedding.

"Me," I whispered.

Someone, I thought it was Gianna, choked on their ice cream.

"What? I thought you said you for a second," Tabitha mused, flicking her blonde hair over her shoulder as she laughed to herself.

On my other side, Gia trained her brown doe eyes on my face, searching for something in my expression. She'd heard me right.

"Yeah, um, it is me," I muttered, fighting more tears. My cheeks felt dry with the previous emotional onslaught. I didn't think I could handle another one.

"Ha," Tabby scoffed," funny. Now, tell us who, Phoenix!"

"I don't think she's joking Tabs," Gia intervened, an expression of concern on her face.

I stayed silent, unable to speak with a weight clogging my throat. No matter how much I wanted to sob and tear myself apart in their arms, they didn't deserve that. They didn't deserve the burden of my life.

Tabitha tugged at my arm, facing me towards her. "You can't be serious," she muttered.

I imagined building a damn in my mind. It was concrete, stone cold and grey like his eyes. Then, I took a quick breath, swallowed the sadness and painted on a coy smile.

"Yup," I exclaimed, popping the p, "I'm so sorry I didn't tell you guys this but I-I knew for a while, yeah um, I found out l-last year."

Tabitha's jaw hung open. Gianna looked even less convinced.

"Really?" the former questioned sceptically.

'Um, sure. I mean, yes! You guys know I was never really keen on love and that sort of thing," I lied. I dreamed of finding the man made for me. Maybe he was in Princeton, waiting for me too.

"Wait, wait, so you're telling me you're getting into an arranged marriage?" Tabitha asked, looking horrified, but she didn't pause to let me answer. "And you're agreeing? And wait, I thought you wanted love? And Princeton? Your scholarship?"

"Yeah, um, about that... I've change my mind. University isn't really for me, you know," I tried to say convincingly, even adding a shrug of my shoulders for effect.

"Bullshit," Tabby said, looking me dead in the eye. I tried not to cower.

"Wait," Gia interrupted, "why can't you go Princeton and then get married? Or why can't you go even after marriage?"

I was nearly shaking with the effort of maintaining the lie. My fingers itched to claw the facade off my face and release the anguish I was burying inside.

"H-he's Russian," I said, hoping that would answer their questions.

They both raised their eyebrows.

"So?" Tabitha scoffed.

Then, it seemed to dawn on them. In sync, their expressions plummeted from doubt to horror to grief. I could've sworn I saw a flash of anger in Tabby's emerald eyes.

"No, no, no, you're not moving to Russia, nope, nada, net, non, whatever. You. Are. Not. Leaving. Us. Phee."

I was really close to losing it. But no matter how much I willed the blonde's words to be true, we were both helpless.

"Guys, I'm not leaving. Well, not completely. I'm just, you know-"

"Leaving," Gianna finished. There was hurt in her eyes along with more doubt. She still didn't believe me.

"No, it's not like that. It was going to be like this anyway, you know for college. And I'll always keep in touch, visit even. And you can visit me too!" I said, hopefully.

"It was not going to be like this at all. You wouldn't have been millions of miles away from us!" Tabitha cried in frustration. She was beginning to realise there was nothing she or even I could do.

"You wanted to be an engineer, Phee," Gianna said quietly beside me.

"Bah, then I realised how much maths there would be," I joked, trying to lighten the mood.

"But- but-"

Unable to stand their warmth, I stood and turned to the fire in the grate. Hopefully, they didn't notice the wetness in my eyes. "Guys," I began, firmly, "this is what I want. I never did believe in soulmates and shit. This is exactly the out I was looking for. Of course, I'm going to miss you guys but I need to do this. I really really need to do this—" I couldn't hold back the sobs anymore. Sniffling, I tried to continue, "I really want you guys to want this too. Please be happy. I just—"

"How can you expect me to be happy, Phee? I know there's something you're not saying. I thought we said no secrets, what about that, huh?" With a scoff, Gia turned and left the room.

I faced Tabby, desperately begging her with my eyes to understand, to accept it. "Tabs..."

Her own eyes were tear filled. "I wish you would tell us, Phoenix." Sadness tinged her voice, along with something else. Resolve. "We will find out and we will help you. Just like you'd do for us." After a final glance at my face, she followed Gianna out.

I couldn't help it. I collapsed to the ground, screaming into my hands. Tearing at anything in my reach. Crying desperately to no one. But my rage and anguish didn't change anything.

The fire continued to dance on the logs. The curtains continued to billow with the wind. And the fact still remained that I'd be married in a matter of weeks.

But there was one tiny, insignificant different.

Now, I was truly, irrevocably and forever alone.

𝑥𝑜
𝖗𝖔𝖘𝖆𝖛𝖎