Chaotic Good | the umbrella academy

SIX

CHAPTER SIX
' GIVE POPEYE A
WHOLE NEW
MEANING. '

The Hargreeves siblings had gathered in the kitchen, sitting around a table as the newly arrived Number Five was busy making himself a sandwich. Eddie narrowed her eyes, but they dropped to the knitting needles in her lap, beginning to finish off her scarf.

Five finally spoke, "What's the date? The exact date."

"Bingo," Eddie declared, a smugness in her tone, which was the signature of when she knew something no one else did, before turning her attention back to the scarf.

"The twenty-fourth of March, two-thousand-and-nineteen," Hermes replied as the room remained silent.

"Thank you, Hermes." Five looked to the ceiling and then to Eddie. "You finished him then?"

She hummed, not looking at him. "Yes, but you already knew that, didn't you?"

He raised an eyebrow but never replied, his attention moving back to his sandwich-in-process.

Luther huffed, seemingly fed up as the conversation between the two didn't attempt to reignite. "So, are we gonna talk about what just happened?"

Silence responded mockingly as the individuals continued in their activities.

"Either of you?" Luther shot to his feet, his chair screeching across the floor. "Five, it's been seventeen years!" he snapped harshly.

"It's been a lot longer than that." Five's voice was grim and held a darker undertone than any of the siblings expected, but it vanished as soon as he spatial jumped to the cabinets behind Luther.

"Does anyone need a scarf?" Eddie asked, seeming not to notice the tension in the room.

"Oh, I would love one!" Klaus exclaimed, clapping excitedly from his position on the table.

"I haven't missed that," Luther spoke lowly, glancing at the two activities.

"Would you like one, dear?" Eddie questioned innocently, her eyes flickering up as she threw the scarf at Klaus, who happily wrapped it around his neck and smiled widely.

Luther glared.

"I'll take that as a no." She blinked a few times before finding her hands had nothing to do, so one began to rub where Klaus had touched.

"I'm surprised you haven't lost interest in that yet." Five raised an eyebrow as Eddie shrugged.

"Gotta love knitting needles. I can make a scarf. I can make a hat. I can stab your eyes out. I can make mittens."

"Sorry, what was that middle part, again?" Allison asked, double-taking as Eddie reclined in her chair, discarding the needles on the table.

She paused, furrowing her eyebrows. "I can make a hat?"

Five and Diego smirked while Vanya, Allison and Luther shared a glance. Klaus hugged the thick scarf to his chest, admiring the stitches.

Diego cleared his throat. "Where'd you go?"

"The future," Five replied. "It's shit, by the way."

Klaus gasped, his hand raising. "Called it!"

"I should've listened to the old man," Five continued. "Y'know, jumping through space is one thing. Jumping through time is a toss of the dice."

Eddie hummed dryly. "I could've told you that. Actually, come to think of it, I believe I did countless times." Her voice dropped its sarcastic tone, and Five shifted on his feet.

His eyes fell on Klaus. "Nice dress."

Klaus looked up, smiling and playing with the leather. "Oh, well, danke."

Eddie froze, her eyes flickering up as they narrowed. "Woah, wait a damn moment, you're not wearing any-"

"-How did you get back?" Vanya spoke, bringing the attention back. Eddie grimaced, pulling her needles from the table and pushing herself away as Klaus smirked.

"In the end, I had to project my consciousness forward into a suspended quantum state version of myself that exists across every possible instance of time."

"That makes no sense." Diego furrowed his eyebrows as the rest of the room mimicked him.

Eddie turned to Five, gesturing to the others before he bowed mockingly, motioning back to them. She rolled her eyes, her head dropping back.

"Well, it would if you were smarter," Five commented offhandedly. Diego went to rise, his eyes harsh.

Eddie sighed, dropping her head back before she replied, and Diego fell into his seat again. "Just... imagine a very small - or maybe just normal sized, I forgot how short you were - Five and a film reel. The film reel represents time, and Five lays down and stretches across the unrolled reel. Hey Presto, he's existing across every possible instance of time."

The others blinked slowly with their eyebrows pulled into a furrow.

"I think you made it worse," Five mock-whispered, and she shook her head, lifting a finger to silence him. They watched as their siblings' brains worked.

"No-no, give them a minute. It's coming."

"I must interrupt, miss, and agree heartily with Mr Five," Hermes added.

"You programmed him to have a conscience?" Five pursed his lips. "Doesn't that get annoying?"

"I had to deal with you for thirteen years. Fuck me, I got so accustomed to your big mouth I got withdrawal."

Five's sneer dropped, but he didn't get time to reply.

Luther spoke, "How long were you there?"

"Forty-five years. Give or take."

The giant collapsed into his chair, the others staring at Five with shock evident on their faces. Eddie blinked in surprise, but she didn't comment.

"What are you saying? That you're fifty-eight?"

"No, my consciousness is fifty-eight. Apparently, my body is now thirteen again."

"Wait, how does that even work?" Vanya asked.

Five took a bite of his sandwich. "Delores kept saying the equations were off. Eh, bet she's laughing now."

"Lucky bastard. You could be immortal if you keep fucking up." Eddie rested her head against the back of the chair, her eyes closed.

"Delores?" Vanya repeated.

Silence filled the room again as Five dodged the question, picking up a newspaper. "Guess I missed the funeral."

"How'd you know about that?" Luther narrowed his eyes.

Eddie sighed. "Your wrinkles'll get worse if you keep narrowing your eyes."

"Heart failure, huh?" Five continued.

"Yeah," Diego agreed.

"No," Luther denied at the same time.

"See nothing's changed," Five commented with a smirk, and Eddie stood up, moving to leave. "Where are you going?"

"To see the mess you made in my lab, jackass. Also, to try and gain some sanity before the funeral. I already had a twitch in my eye before I came. At this rate, I'm gonna give Popeye a whole new meaning."