Zach: You guys never locked it?
Nadia: Never. I called out his name..about..uh I don't know six times and he didn't answer so I started to panic so I went to find the key and it wasn't in the same place but I found it and that's when I saw him in the car...
Zach: So, he had suffocated himself in the car with the carbon dioxide?
*Nadia begins to sob *
Nadia: Yea..I just. I remember wanting to scream but I couldn't. I called 911 and I immediately went and opened the car to try and save him but I just knew he was gone.
Zach: Wow.. I am so sorry.
Nadia: I called Ethan to let him know everything that was going on and I remember the whole drive to the hospital I was just thinking of all the "what if's" What if I hadn't done this documentary or accepted the deal with Givenchy, I probably would have stayed home with him and he wouldn't have done it.
Zach: Did he have a pulse when you found him?
Nadia: No.
Zach: When did you realize he was gone?
Nadia: When I got home from his funeral. I didn't go upstairs after I found him. I waited until the ambulance got there and left with them to go to hospital and I couldn't go back our home because it was too painful so I went to my mothers house and I finally got the courage to go home after his funeral.
Zach: How did you feel when you went home?
Nadia: It still didn't feel real. I remember walking into our room and there were six letters for his dad, his mom, his sister, his brother, myself, and our son laying on our bed. I remember reading it and it finally set in that he wasn't here anymore.
Zach: Obviously his death is very difficult but i what do you think is the most difficult part?
Nadia: I think him not being able to meet our son and my son never meeting him. He'll never know the amazing person he was but I promise to always remember him who his father was and try my best to honor him though him.
Zach: I have no doubt in my mind that you will. Are you mad at him for doing it?
Nadia: No. When depression takes control, there's no stopping it. It overpowers to the point where some people can't take it anymore and I know it must of been especially hard on him with everything that was said about him, or our relationship in the media. I know he didn't purposely do it to hurt his family, friends, or myself but to just not feel pain anymore which saddens me.
Zach: What's your message with everyone suffering from depression?
Nadia: Open up. I know opening up for some people is difficult and this is coming from my experience because I hate expressing my emotions to others but please talk to someone. When you start talking to someone, it gets easier. The pain is temporary. Don't do a permanent solution to a temporary problem It's not fucking worth it.
Zach: If you could say anything to Grayson, one last time, what would it be?
Nadia: I love you and I always will. Doesn't matter who I end up with or what I do in life, he'll always be apart of it. I know he's looking down on me so I know my angel is protecting me from above.
TWENTY-SIX
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