Bottom of the Blackest Hole

Carnation

I dont know what I'm going to do with Maxie like this.

She doesn't eat.

She doesn't sleep.

She doesn't talk.

The list goes on.

The only person she trusts is Kat and he's really not a person.

Today is like any other day. I see that Maxie gets her medication before going to work. But then there's a knock on the door. No one ever knocks on the door.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"I....I came to visit Maxine." Alan just stood there very awkwardly.

"Listen...Michael.....I heard what happened....Maxine and I had...a thing and I just wanted to.....comfort her you know." he says.

"A thing?" I ask.

"Well....we kissed and.....Maxine just sort of distanced herself...but"

They kissed? They...fucking kissed?!

I shake my head. I shouldn't be getting jealous in a situation like this. And as he said she distanced herself....but when was this?

God Mikey...get these thoughts out of your head!!

"I don't think she'll....." at that moment Alan raises his eyebrows but not at me.

I turn around and a skinny Maxie is there standing behind me.

"Maxine...." Alan smiles.

"Hi." she says.

They small talk and I just stand there like an idiot.

She was talking with him but she never talks to me?

"Alan....I think you have to go now." she says and looks at me with an uncertain look.

Alan nodded and reached to...hug her I guess and I stepped in front of her.

"Goodbye." I say and shut the door.

"I can't trust you." Maxie says to me after Alan has left. "I can't trust anyone but Kat. You have to understand me Mikey....I love you....but....." she looked away. She has a distant look in her eye like the night....she....the night she got like this.

"You don't know Mikey....what's its like..to be...."

"I know I don't know....but I'd wish you'd just get better and....get up from the hole you're in."

A tear drops down her cheek but her face stays neutral.

She walks up to me and I would love to give her a kiss but I don't know how she'll react.

"The feel of touch....scares me." she sighs. She then smiles but it's forced.

"Go to work Mikey."

••••••••••••••••

I walk back from work and I'm standing in front of the apartment when an idea strikes me.

Maxie can't trust me....she loves me. I should make her fall in love with me again..it wouldn't exactly be like falling in love again....but I could regain her trust like that.

I walk back two blocks and go to the flower shop and pick the prettiest carnation. I know Maxine will love the smell of it. The women smiles at me and offers to put a ribbon on the carnation.

"Thank you." I say.

"She must be lucky." she says and attends to another customer.

I get home and Maxine is sitting on the couch her arms in her lap.

"Where were you?" she demands.

I don't say anything, I just hand her the flower.

She smells it and closes her eyes. She smiles and it makes me happy to see that I made her smile.

"I was worried." she says softly. I sit next to her carefully not touching her.

"I'm sorry." I say. "I should've called you."

She nods. We watch TV and laugh.