Doctor on the grid

33. Good things fall apart

I took a taxi to take me back to the hotel where Ferrari was accommodated for this weekend. I hurried up to the room of Charles, but I still had no plan or anything. I knew that I believed what Max told me yesterday and also if that was really true, then it was the end for me.

I really liked Charles, and I truly enjoyed spending time with him. But the way he was thinking about being in a relationship - being in a relationship with me, was unacceptable. Maybe he needs a girl who is there for him 24h, follows him, admires him and supports him in all things he decides to do. Who loves him. He needed a top fan, and I... needed something else.

What was that? Well, I still wasn't entirely sure, but I knew it wasn't the same.

I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. A part of me silently prayed for him being already on a private jet on his way back to Monaco, or just away so he wouldn't open the door.

Of course neither was the case, and he was standing in front of me in no time.

"Clara," he breathed. His gaze was startled, black circles under his usually cheeky, green eyes.

"We need to talk, Charles," I said with a grimace. "Can I come in?"

He looked at me like one of his biggest fears was just getting shaped.

"Please," he mumbled, and walked me in.

I decided not to accept his invitation to sit on the sofa. I just stood in front of him, and took a deep breath.

"I heard that you told Daniela about us," I said. With every word I felt my voice shake, and I think I'd have been already crying if I hadn't used up all my tears the night before, leaning on Max' shoulder, the sofa, the shower cabin and the bed. Of course I knew it wasn't possible "using up your tears", but anyway it felt like that.

Charles looked at me with no surprise, like he knew this was coming all along.

"I thought it'd be easier for us," he started. "You know, after everyone knows. I..." he took a deep breath. "Before this, before you I had a lot of girlfriends and they were proud of me, being happy that we're together. I was okay with them too. Obviously not that okay to stay together though," he chuckled sheepishly, then his serious expression took over again. "And then there came you. You were so beautiful, but not in the usual model looking way. And also a little lost like you don't belong in the paddock," he smirked again on the thought. I watched him, biting my lip. He was speaking with such sad nostalgia I felt my heart clench.

"First I felt an urge, I felt like I needed to have you for myself, just for a night. Then we spent the night together in Bahrain, after you slipped away. Which never happened before. I felt that you must be special, just leaving me after a night together. It pissed me off and amazed me at the same time. Then I saw you coming to the next Grand Prix and I learned you are a doctor - not a journalist or some team groupie we see so much of. I felt like I found some unicorn," he sighed.

"But you saw I was Max' friend," I said quietly, now fixing the floor with my down casted eyes.

"Well, yes. But everything in life is a competition, right?" He snorted. "While I really enjoyed having you closer I really fell in love with you Clara," he looked up at me sadly. "But you never wanted to hear about a relationship. Always turned me down, while I saw you were uncomfortable with sneaking around."

"Yes, I was," I nodded. "But that doesn't mean..." I started, but he waved me down.

"I know, and I am terribly sorry. I was stupid. I thought I did what was best for us," he mumbled and stepped closer. "Clara, if I can do anything to make it right..." his voice was higher than usually.