It's Harder Before It's Easier

Chapter 6

"Mom you're making me nervous, what is it?" I laughed tapping on the side of my mug. 

"It's quite complicated." She let out a deep breath and shifted in her seat. Her eyes flickered around the room, as she licked her lips. "Uh, you're father is alive."

"Excuse me?" I choked out, my heart jumping up my throat. "That's impossible. I was there, I saw him die. You were right there holding my hand mom, what the fuck are you talking about?" My words came out stuttered as I tried to figure this out on my own.

"This is where it gets complicated. That wasn't your actual father." 

I leaned forward on the table, my body feeling like it was coming to a stop. "What?"

"He wasn't your real father but I never corrected you because I didn't want you to grow up without a father and you were too young to understand." My moms eyes started to water and mine mirrored hers. 

"Explain, please." I croaked, my throat feeling tighter and tighter with every passing second. 

"I'm sorry honey. It was all so crazy. I'll try my best to explain. Your real father and I met 1 year before you were born. When I found out I was pregnant with you he said he couldn't be a father right now and that he wanted me to get an abortion and then try again later when he was more ready. I couldn't do that, I could never live with myself. So he left me the day after I found out I was pregnant. I was so scared and worried but he eventually came back a few months later agreeing to help me pay for the first few months until I got on my feet. About 4 months before you were born I met Michael, the man you thought was your dad."

"Oh my god." I whispered running my fingers through my hair, pulling on my roots. 

"He was so sweet and we clicked so well. Clearly he knew I was pregnant and he didn't seem bothered by it. If anything he liked it, he said he had always wanted to be a dad even if it meant a step dad. We fell in love really quickly, it was hard not too. We had so much in common. When your real father found out I was seeing Michael he got angry and said he wasn't going to help me after you were born and took off again." She wiped under her eyes as I sat there with my hand over my mouth. 

"Uh, when you were born Michael was there and we put his name on your birth certificate because it was just easier. We moved in to a little apartment and everything was good and got married about 3 months later. Your real father only bothered us a few times but eventually it stopped altogether. I'm sorry Kaylee."

"I can't... I don't even know what to fucking say to this let alone react." My breath was ragged as I tried to wrap my head around this. 

My father isn't my actual father and here I am 21 years after he's died only finding out that he was really my step dad and my real dad left my mom. So both my dads are a piece of shit.

An abandoner and an alcoholic. 

"I'm so sorry Kaylee, I just couldn't hold it in anymore." She reached into her bag and pulled out a bag of tissues. 

"Is my real dad still alive?" I asked quietly afraid to know the answer.

"Yes, he lives out in LA. I got back in touch with him a few years ago. The guilt of leaving me got to him and he checks in regurarly and asks how you're doing. I didn't tell him I was going to tell you though." She smiled, tears running down her cheeks. "Do yo- would you want to meet him?" She asked hesitantly.

"I... I don't know mom, I really don't know. Maybe, I don't know. I can't think straight right now. I think I need to be alone right now." My voice sounded scratchy.

She nodded and got up flattining out her long skirt. "Of course. Call me soon when you know what you want." She sniffled balling up the used tissues in her hand. I nodded and she came over kissing the top of my head. "I'm sorry Kaylee, I love you."

"I know." I whispered as she turned and walked out of the kitchen. I heard the door click and fell onto the table, my chest heaving. What the fuck just happened. "Oh my god." I groaned, my cries hiccuping as I sat up and ran my hands over my face.  

I sat there staring at the clock on top of the doorway, the tears blurring the numbers together. I saw a figure come into shape and blinked a few times. "Kaylee what's wrong?" Niall hurried over, Benny in his arms.

"Why are you back?" I questioned wiping at my face. 

"Benny got sick in the car and threw up. Kaylee what's wrong?" I looked up at him and a sleeping Benny in his arms. He knew who his real dad was, a good dad who loved him was holding him close as he slept.

"Kaylee, please tell me."

"Niall," My voice caught as I cleared my throat. "My real dad is alive."

oooooooooooooooooo I bet you guys didn't see this coming. :)

comment on what you think of this!!! love you xox sorry it took so long for me to update!