Weeds

Weeds - Chapter Forty One

He rolled off and stood up, offering me a hand. I rolled my eyes but took it anyways, Elliott hauled me up and then proceeded to steer my shoulders over to an empty picnic table. 

Elliott sat down on the opposite side of the table. 

"Why are we sitting ?" I asked. 

"Because Riley it story time." 

"Story time?" 

"I'm going to tell you why my hands are permanently bruised." 

My mind mentally paused time to process a new flood of emotions, I know that I had been pestering Elliott for weeks wanting to know why his hands were bruised but I didn’t want to know anymore. I was scared to find out. 

The heart break I had experienced that morning had already been enough to last me a life time because although I now knew he was okay, and I know knew he wasn't scared in that moment, I would never be able to forget the amount of pain he was going through.  

A feeling deep within me, call it intuition told me I wasn’t going to like what he had to say either.  

"Elliott, you don’t have to-" 

"I want to Riley, you’ve been honest with me and its time I do the same." 

The guilt I had been feeling for the past few weeks climbed its way up my throat, would I jeopardize Elliott and I's friendship because of guilt? 

Every time I had read a book and someone felt guilt I always got upset, why couldn’t they just suppress the urge ?  

What no one tells you is that guilt is a lot more powerful in real life than it is when you read a book through the eyes of another person, guilt is so much more powerful when you love  someone. 

Judy Bloom should have prepared me for that. 

"Elliott I have to tell you something." 

"Um- can it wait I minute ? I kind of want to get this off my chest I feel awful for never telling you this because you would never do that to me." 

"Elliott I really need to say this." I felt my throat begin to knot and shivers run through my body. 

"Are you okay? You seem a little nervous." 

I breathed but the air wasn’t enough, so I continued the cycle : breath in, breath out. 

"Riley you're breathing really quickly, do you need some water?" 

Just breath. 

Elliott got up from his side of the table and jogged over to my side, he sat down next to me, his arms placed on my shoulders, "Riley? Come one slow down, its okay." 

"You're going to be mad." 

"Tell me, I'm sure it cant be that bad." He smiled 

I felt the cold consume my feet climbing its way up, I had to tell him.  

I couldn’t lie to the only person who has ever been honest with me. 

"I went through your moms psych report."  

Elliott's hands retracted from me and he slouched in his seated position , the bench between his legs, "You what?" 

"I went through your stuff." 

Elliott's smile dripped off his face and his eyes grew a shade darker. 

"Elliott I'm sor-" 

He got up from the bench as if it were on fire, he shook his head slightly. 

"Stop." He ordered me, he turned on his feet and began walking away.