Two Times the Love ~A Poly!Erasermic x Reader story

Chapter 8

    An Erasermic x Reader Poly relationship story.

This is a direct Sequel to Two Times the Love, Two Times the Worry.

This story includes: injury to the reader, MILD sexual content, discussion of body image, post trauma mental health, mentions of mild violence, cursing and a prominent polyamorous romantic relationship.

Polyamory: the practice of engaging in multiple sexual relationships with the consent of all the people involved.

Holding Together

You woke damp with sweat, the ghost of the inferno filled cyclone burning in your palms. It was still dark in your apartment, only the faint, cool light of the streetlights slipping through the closed blinds. You had beaten the sun to rising once again, the room was still cool without the sun beating in. Through the patchwork of light and dark you could see Hizashi, curled up in the duvet, pressed into Shota for warmth. His golden halo of hair swallowing the pillow beneath his head and the better part of Shota's face. It was coldest during the earliest hours of the day; you couldn't stand being warm anymore. It felt suffocating and panic would start to boil up inside of you if the feeling went on too long.

You hated what that day had done to you, even if Hizashi and Shota acted as if it didn't bother them. Hizashi was a blanket hog on a normal day but since you needed the bedroom kept cold to keep the nightmares at bay you'd wake up to him shivering in Shota's arms. The worst part was that he would always check the thermostat to make sure the room was cold enough before going to sleep regardless. And you knew it drove him crazy when you had wiggled out of his arms in the first few weeks of being home, but you couldn't help it. The warm embrace felt like you were being caged in by fire. Everything warm felt like that fire.

You hated this. You hated being the fragile one, the one who would get upset over the thermostat or being hugged for too long. You hated that they were so good at bending to your will because everything was supposed to be about compromise. You felt like a tyrant and them, your subjects. You wanted to hold your partners at night, you wanted to feel close to them.

You crawled to the end of your bed as quietly as you could manage and padded across the cool wooden floor, changing the room temperature before you left. You kept the lights off in the apartment, the darkness feeling safer than the heat that came along with turning the lights on. There were no blinds in the main part of the house, but the sky was still an inky blue and you wouldn't have to worry about hiding from the sun for a while yet.

The nighttime was the only time you'd been able to look at the sky. It was funny, two months ago you'd have given anything to look up at the daytime sky with all your night shifts. Now the sun felt too hot on your face and the bright light would burn images of fire and smoke into your mind. The night sky wasn't so bad when the business sector downtown turned down their lights for the night. There were stars and blinking planes and sometimes the dim glow from the city would illuminate beautiful patterns in low hanging clouds. You leaned back against the kitchen table and stared out the window, out at the sky while you still could.

"You're not sleeping." It was tired and rough, but it was definitely Shota's voice.

You looked back over your shoulder to see Shota standing in the doorway, his messy hair wild with sleep. His eyes were barely open but still trained right on you. There was no hiding things with Shota, that's not how you and him worked.

"No. I can't." You mumbled.

He nodded his head and yawned, lazily dragging his feel towards you. He leaned back against the kitchen table, his shoulder just brushing yours. Normally he would have hugged you, you knew he didn't for your sake. You hated this, you hated yourself. You remember when he got hurt at the USJ attack, how really all that had changed was that he had become more cautious at work. You were pretty sure that was for yours and Hizashi's sake as well. He had handled it all so well, you hated that you couldn't.