Drawn to His Flame

Simula

"But it's your dream, right? I knew you studied hard for this," wika niya sa malalim na boses. Hindi ko maunawaan kung bakit mas problemado pa siya kaysa sa akin. Tinapik ko na lang siya sa balikat pagkatapos.

"Looks like you don't know me that well," I said. Nakita kong napalingon na sa akin si Hiro kaya napasinghap ako bago magsalita. "My dreams have never been constant ever since. But as I mature, I began to realize many things that made me view life in another perspective. Hindi na mahalaga sa akin ang karangalan, medalya at kung ano pa. I only have one dream right now but I don't know if I can reach it."

"What is it then?" tanong ni Hiro. I can sense in the tone of his voice that he's really interested to know what I was going to say because he even angled his body to my direction.

But his question was wrong in the first place. My dream is not a what but a who.

My response got buried by the loud applauses and cheers of the crowd. Mukhang natapos na rin si Arianne sa wakas. Pumalakpak na rin ako at nakisali sa hiyawan. Nginisian ko naman si Hiro na dismayado dahil hindi niya nakuha mula sa akin ang gusto niyang malaman.

"Regan! Tulungan mo muna kami rito!" rinig kong tawag sa akin ni Mama mula sa kusina. Kaaalis lang kasi ng mga bisitang inimbitahan ng mga magulang ko para sa salo-salo na hinanda nila para sa aking pagtatapos.

"Sandali lang, Ma!" sigaw ko pabalik bago ko tinignan ulit ang aking cellphone. I expelled a deep breath because I still hoped for a single text message from that person. Padarag kong ibinagsak ang cellphone ko sa aking kama. Parati na lang ganito.

Why am I even waiting? It's almost two years since he left me in the dust.

I should know better. I can't let him enter my life again so that he can leave me wretched in the end just like before.

"Regan!" Napapitlag ako nang marinig ang malakas na pagtawag sa akin ni Papa. Dali-dali akong lumabas ng kuwarto para puntahan na sila.

"Parating na po!" sambit ko. My heart was still roaring inside my chest because I still haven't recovered from Papa's booming voice.

Pagdating ko sa hapag-kainan ay naabutan ko si Papa na nagliligpit ng mga pagkain at ang kapatid kong may hawak na tatlong stick ng barbeque. "Ako na riyan, Pa," alok ko bago ko kinuha mula sa aking ama ang tray na puno ng mga kubyertos na dapat hugasan.

Papa couldn't still look at me in the eyes and my heart dropped because it felt like he was intentionally ignoring me. Was he disappointed? Hindi ba siya masaya dahil With Honors lang ang nakaya ko?

"Hala ka Kuya. Ang tagal mo kasi," my sister said which added more fuel to the fire. I heaved a sigh when Papa left us there in the dining room. Nang mapunta ang tingin ko kay Katie ay nakita kong nakabukaka siyang nakaupo kaya mahina kong sinipa ang binti niya. Inirapan niya ako kaya napabuga na lang ako ng hangin.

"Why are you so conservative? Pareho kayo ni Mama," reklamo niya. Tinaliman ko na lang siya ng tingin bago ako tumalikod para pumunta sa kusina. The dirty dishes wobbled on the tray so I stopped walking to steady it for a while.

"I did you a favor so stop sulking and be grateful instead. Hindi lang kurot ang matatanggap mo kay Mama kapag hindi ka pa umayos diyan. And you're thirteen already so please act accordingly."

Nang makita kong inirapan niya ako ay hindi ko na lang siya pinatulan pa at tumungo na lang sa dapat kong puntahan.

"Sa wakas, nandito ka na rin, anak," bati ni Mama. My jaw eventually dropped when I saw the high stacks of plates on our marble sink. Other than that, there were also a lot of plastic wares waiting to be washed and cleaned.