the bond that keeps us apart

chapter 8: texting

felix's pov.
me and sean texted some more. i felt safe again, just like earlier today. i was smiling the whole time we texted. he was funny, and i mean very funny. he sent reaction pictures all the time and he wasn't a dry texter at all, which is kind of unusual for a popular kid. at least from what i had experienced. back in sweden all the "popular" kids would only text me if they needed me for something, since i was good at school. if i tried to be their friend they'd be dry or leave me on seen. i felt judged all the time. that's probably one of the reasons i have anxiety. but jack made me feel different, although sometimes i'd get thoughts about him not liking me and just pretending for fun, just like earlier today when i was walking home. eventually the convo started dying and i noticed it, but he was quick to bring out new topics and funny shit to talk about. he was everything i ever wanted in a friend. i didn't want to get too happy about this though. i just wanted to be safe that he wasn't just making fun of me or talking to me just to take advantage of me later on. i wanted a real friend and that's how i felt with jack. but that's how i felt with some other people back in sweden and they ended up either dropping me, using me, or i would end up catching feelings and ruining our friendship. i hadn't had luck with friends, ever. i felt like jack was going to be different, he felt different than any other friends i have ever had before. i wanted this friendship to last. but i liked him. i didn't believe in that "love at first sight" shit until now. from the moment i saw him when i entered my first class i felt a click. a click that i hadn't felt before with anyone. i don't know what it was. he just immediately caught my eye and... i caught his? i didn't want to assume how he felt but... that's exactly how i felt. it's as if i knew what he felt too, even though he didn't tell me anything. it's weird. he felt genuine from the moment he started talking to me. he felt genuine when he complimented me and he felt genuine while we texted. he... he felt like home. i sound cheesy right now, i know i do, but he really felt like home to me. we had been talking for just a day, but i felt like i've known him for years. talking to him felt so natural. i didn't feel judged. this was so new to me and i was scared that i was going to get my heart broken. every time i caught feelings for one of my friends they'd get weird around me and leave me. specially the guys, even though i didn't tell them anything since i was closeted. i was too obvious all the time and it was just a matter of time until jack figured it out and left me. i didn't want that to happen. i was so in love with him. i wasn't trying to get my heart broken by a straight guy again. it was probably going to happen. i mean, he wasn't weird about me being bi but.. me liking him? that's going to make him uncomfortable. specially if he does end up being straight. he was hard to read. i could tell he wasn't his true self but... his true self wasn't bad. i don't know exactly what he's hiding, and i don't know why he's hiding it. i just know that when he's his true self i'll love him even more and.. i don't know how it's possible but it's probably going to happen. we spent a long time texting and it was getting late. he had to do his homework and so we stopped talking for a bit. after that it got late and i decided to say goodnight to him since i was going to sleep.
"well it was fun talking today, i hope to make more friends tmr at school too. if not then it can just be us, even tho u have more friends than me and i understand if u wanna hang out with them jsksjs. im gonna go to bed now since im rly tired, goodnight jack" i typed in. 'should i say i love you?' i thought. 'just make it sound like its friendly, nothing else'. "ily man💙". i sent the message and waited for his response.
"Goodnight Felix, I had a great time at school with you today as well. We can definitely hang out at school tomorrow, my other friends aren't really the best and I prefer talking to you lmao. Sleep well, ily too bro💚"

i plugged my phone so it could charge and went to sleep. i was smiling so hard that my cheeks hurt. i finally had a friend. a real friend.