the bond that keeps us apart

chapter 7: overthinking

felix's pov.

after school ended sean asked about my skateboard. i showed him how i could do a  kickflip and he seemed impressed. the look on his face when i landed it made me happy. it made me smile when i thought about it. i was skating home now, but i was going to stop by at a McDonalds because i was hungry. he had invited me over to his place on friday and i was thrilled. but something wasn't clicking. 'why would he invite me, we just met. is he always this nice to the new kids? is he just using me? he's a popular kid. why would he want to talk to me? like, i don't get it. why am i, out of everyone in the whole school, special. i'm not. i'm just an exchange student from sweden. who cares about me. apparently he does. but why. i had like, 3 friends in sweden and they never even hung out with me or anything. i'm so used to being rejected and bullied because i "look gay". i can't even hide that. i'm not out and everyone thinks i'm gay already. and they'll bully me for it too. they'll call me names and slurs all the time. and for this straight, white, popular and funny guy to just approach me like this is just.. weird? i don't know. maybe he's just pretending to like me. and then he'll start calling me names like everyone else. he'll look at me weird and bully me and push me around and treat me like his little toy like everyone else does. or like everyone else did.'
a part of me wanted to trust him and give him a chance but the other part of me was telling me he was using me. i had just met him and i was already making up shit in my mind again. i had always been treated like the weird gay kid in school. everyone bullied me and i barely had friends. i wanted change but... it all seemed so sudden and quick. it was my first day of school and i was already friends with the popular kid? it didn't seem real. plus, i had the biggest crush on him too. if he ever found out it'd just make everything worse. he'd stop being nice to me. i started to tear up. i got to the McDonalds and got a burger and some fries. then i skated back home and tried to take my mind off of what i was thinking. i decided to get started with my homework while i ate my burger and get that done before doing anything else. i wanted to take my mind off of school. off of... him. i was scared. i was scared that he was just leading me on and he'd just drop me later and make fun of me. i'm not a great liar either so he'd probably find out i'm crushing on him soon. i felt so overwhelmed. i didnt like feeling like this. i got a text from a number i didn't have in my contacts. i looked at my notes and it was the number jack gave me. i wanted to reply but i didn't want to seem too interested in him, so i decided to ignore it. i finished my work and i got a phone call. it was my mom.
m- hey sweetie! how did school go? was it good? did you make friends?
f- hi mom! it was good i think, i made a new friend. his name's jack, and he invited me to his place on friday. i think things will be good for me over here in the uk
m- yay! that's good! your sister misses you, she has been thinking about you a lot
f- tell her that i miss her too
m- do you have things to do? homework? something?
f- i actually have just finished my homework right now, but thanks for asking
m- oh okay! well, have fun in the uk. i'll call you again tomorrow, im glad you're doing well over there
f- thank you mom, stay safe
m- bye i love you
f- i love you too. bye

i hung up. i went to take a small nap to take my mind off school again. after about an hour i got another notification that woke me up. it was jack again. "Is this actually you or did you give me a fake number :/" his message said. 'shit.' i had completely forgotten to reply. 'he probably hates me now, fuck. i ruined everything again.' i opened my phone and answered.
"hey! yea it's actually me ahah i was busy with homework and i took a nap, im sry for not replying 🥺" i said. "Oh alright! I was just confused but it's okay. So, does pasta sound good for Friday?" "yup! sounds perfect 😌"