The Love That Bonds Us

Chapter 40 : Love And Hate

"I don't want to hear it." I marched on, hoping he wouldn't follow me, but of course he did.

Out the corner of my eye I saw my house, but firmly continued passed it. Agnarr would probably just pine at the door. I needed to shake him off somehow, but I also didn't want to draw any attention to ourselves. I thought the secluded forest would do well to hide what was bound to become an angry argument from other Arendellians.

"I know," Agnarr went on, trying to catch up with me, "but please just listen. While I may not know how I've changed,"

I rolled my eyes. How could he not know? It was blatantly obvious to everyone else! He no longer thought straight in Council meetings and he agreed with the dangerous proposals of the advisors and Royal Guards. What exactly about that was unclear to him? 

"I do know that it has affected you and I'm sorry. I really am -"

"Sorry doesn't cut it. How can it? And as for what you've put me through ... you have no idea how hard this has been!"

"Hey, that's not fair Iddy."

"Don't you dare 'Iddy' me!" I raised a finger threateningly, but he pushed it down carelessly.

"Look. I've been back and forth about this too. You started avoiding me and ignoring me, how else was I supposed to react?"

I rolled my eyes again, "For goodness sake Agnarr. Pull yourself together! You're scary when you get angry, what did you expect me to do? Endure your rage? Well I wasn't going to do that. I shouldn't have to."

"No you shouldn't." Agnarr agreed, "But that isn't the point."

"It is too the point. Don't you dare play the victim, Arendelle. If you can't see how you've changed, then fine, stay blind. But don't try making it seem like I'm the bad guy here, because I'm not."

He went to grip my wrist again, but I jerked it out of his reach, a disbelieving frown screwing up my face.

"No you're not." he said, a pathetic and pleading look in his eyes, "I'm not saying you are. All I want to do is talk."

"That's all I wanted to do! But every time I tried you lashed out at me! You pushed me away! Of course I was going to start avoiding you!" I yelled, glad we had made our way into the woody area around the Kingdom. Now I could release my seething anger on him without worrying how everyone else would react.

His hands rose to his hair in frustration, "I don't want to argue with you. I came here to apologise."

I turned on him, my eyes flashing dangerously, "Well apologise then, so you can be on your way." I thrust a hand back the way we had come.

"Iduna, truly I am sorry. Please talk to me again. I -"

"GO!" I screamed, not bearing to hear anymore, shaking my hands around my ears and turning away from him, "I don't care what else you have to say. Just get out of my sight." I felt a lump forming in my throat but forced it down indignantly. I couldn't let Agnarr see my tears.

"But -"

I flapped a hand in his direction, warning him to stop talking, and prepared to storm into the trees in my last, albeit futile, attempt at shaking him off, but:

"I'm engaged."

I froze. My brain went numb and I wasn't sure how I was supposed to feel. Betrayed? Angry? Upset? Happy?

For a moment all I could do was stutter on the spot, emotions flying across my mind so fast I couldn't grasp any of them. All I could make out in my heart was an overwhelming sense of loss.

Then, I whirled around furiously and spread my arms wide, "Congratulations? What do you want me to say Agnarr?"

He didn't look at me, and his broken body language told me he was giving up this fight. A strange feeling of rage and disappointment swelled inside me.

"I don't know." his voice trembled slightly.

I took a step towards him, my heart beating fast, "How am I supposed to feel?"

He shook his head, "I don't know."

"Do you really think that I'm going to feel sorry for you? That I'll suddenly forgive you for everything you've done?"

"No." his voice was so small and fragile that I almost did feel sorry for him.

But instead I took another step closer to him and cried, "Then what is it Agnarr? What do you want?" I threw my arms up to the heavens and glared at him.

But when he unexpectedly closed the space between us and raised his hand which just hovered beside my face as if he'd forgotten himself and was now restraining, I softened and held my breath expectantly.

"In truth? You."

My mouth opened to retort, but then I realised what he had said and didn't know what to do.

In the end I shattered and fell into him, thrashing my arms and feet against him in defeat, confused and angry tears streaming down my face. "But you said you're engaged!" I shouted, trying to knock him back to sense with my curled fists, my nails digging into my flesh so hard that I felt warm specks of blood on my skin

"I don't care Iduna. I don't care." he said, catching one of my wrists before it slammed into his chest for the hundredth time and brushing his other hand across my cheek soothingly.

My breathing hitched at his touch and more tears pricked the corners of my eyes, but Agnarr brushed them away gently with his thumbs.

"I don't care." he repeated, before kissing me.

I struggled a few moments more, but the King was strong. I ended up raising a hand to slap him again, but even that protest died as I lost myself in this, allowing myself this moment of vulnerability. I was suddenly transported to a simpler time when everything was perfect and certainly not the mess they were now.

For a brief moment I felt complete again.

I almost rejected him pulling back, but when he did, I realised the mistake I had just made and shook my head in shock.

I took a step back from his grasp and said, surprisingly calmly, "I should go."

"Wait, Iduna, please." his hand reached for mine and he laced our fingers together in the way that made my heart flutter, his eyes desperately searching my face. "The advisors arranged it all behind my back. I don't want to marry her. Renata is a nice girl but it's just cruel to condemn her to a loveless marriage. It's unfair. I can call the whole thing off even if it sacrifices the Alliance we have with Ebiza -"

"Oh no, you can't risk all that for me!" I interrupted him, alarmed by his words - the Alliance was way to important to sacrifice like that! "You need to do what's right for Arendelle. And you'll be happy with Renata. I'm just a distraction, a temptation. I should go before I put anything in jeopardy." I attempted to pull away before I did something else that I'd regret, but he pulled me back to him.

We were so close that I could feel his breath tickle my cheeks and I flushed, hot and angry and lost. Why was he doing this to me?

"I know what's at stake Iduna. But I can't loose you again." his voice cracked but he went on, "I love you. And I made the mistake of letting you go once, I won't make it again."

My eyes misted up at his sincerity. But a tug at my heart told me it couldn't last, who was to say he wouldn't relapse into his altered self? I couldn't let myself believe he was back to normal. After all, it's what had gotten me this far.

"I'm afraid you don't have a choice, Your Majesty."

The thick, deep and accented voice cut through our intensity like a blade and I felt shivers down my spine at its coldness.

Agnarr turned quickly, his pupils dilating with fear, and I slowly turned my head too.

A man was standing before us; he was short and round, but clearly very strong and powerful, and I stepped back in fright.

Agnarr moved slightly in front of me out of sheer impulse and a natural sense of protection, but when he spoke he sounded surprised and vulnerable, "King Rufeal!"