My friends are nuts

"Hannah's not so Imaginary friend"

Seventeen year old, the punk turned demon, Durkin Solomon stared up at Lucifer in disbelief "You're kidding, right?" Lucifer, his boss, had just told him that he was going to be the guardian demon of some little
girl. A guardian demon what kind of stupid shit is that?! This... This just had to be a joke, there is no way in hell that Lucifer was sending him to protect a human child. Him, a fucking demon, protector and guardian demon, ha.. as if.

Lucifer looked bored as he snapped his fingers, causing his skeletal butler to walk over with a tray of Martinis; he grabbed one and took a sip before saying "nope. You are ,indeed,  going to be this little girl's guardian demon-- whether you like it or not " Lucifer narrowed his eyes slightly as he emphasized the 'not' part, causing Durkin to groan internally. It was bad enough he had to be a demon because of that stupid deal he made all those years ago. You see, Durkin Solomon hadn't always been a demon-- once upon a time, he had a normal punk boy growing up in an orphanage in the '60s and '70s with his friends. But when he turned sixteen, his friend got really sick and he made a deal with the devil to save him. The deal was the devil could have his soul if he helped his friend live and the devil kept his end of the bargain, adding that when the twos' friendship ended that he'd come to collect the boy's debt.

Durkin agreed to the circumstances, thinking that he and his friend would be friends for at least another decade-- he was wrong. Their friendship ended a year later, when the friend chose the popular crowd over him, despite knowing what Durkin had given up for him. When he returned home that night, he found Lucifer waiting for him and found out that he was now in Lucifer's service as a demon with no way out. That was three decades ago.  He hadn't signed up to be a demon and he sure as hell didn't sign up to become some kids' eternal babysitter. But he knew there was no getting out of it-- this sucked. "Why doesn't the damn kid already have a guardian? You said she was five, aren't all humans assigned a guardian at birth?" Durkin questioned irritably, luckily for him, Lucifer was use to teenage attitudes by now or else he wouldn't been killed for his disobedience.

Lucifer took another sip of his martini  before speaking "you are correct-- they are supposed to be assigned one at birth. However, the people upstairs somehow overlooked this particular human and didn't realize it until about a year ago and have been trying to correct this little oversight ever since. But to no avail. They haven't been able to find a guardian angel for her that wasn't already taken and requested our assistance, which I agreed to give. And now, you are her guardian demon " Durkin couldn't believe his ears-- how do overlook a loud, whiny newborn? There had been plenty of babies in the orphanage and let him tell you, they sure are loud and hard to ignore-- trust him, he had tried on multiple occasions. How stupid were these people?

Then again,  his guardian angel had let him sell his soul without complaint , so he really wasn't as surprised as he should have been. "Why me?" The brunette asked, crossing his arms and scowling. Lucifer rolled his eyes at the teen's dramatic before deciding to answer the brat's question so he'd just leave already. "Because you were a human once, now quit whining " Durkin looked ready to argue, but he quickly decided against it -- he really didn't want to get in trouble with his boss. "What's her name?" He asked Lucifer, sighing. Durkin really hated his life sometimes.

"Hannah Grace Elizabeth Holmes. She's the five year old niece of Sherlock Holmes and the daughter of a junkie and a former hoodlum. She's visited death nearly a hundred times in the past two years and Death has complained to both the big man upstairs and I  on several occasions about it even though he doesn't necessarily mind her company" Durkin's jaw dropped the information.  How could someone so young get into so much trouble?! He had so many questions but before he could ask them, Lucifer spoke up "well, what are you waiting for? Get going! That little girl isn't going to protect herself!" Durkin sighed, before  teleporting himself inside of the little girl's bedroom. He looked around and winced at all the pink;