I Would Do It Again and Again, Just To Be With You (wangningxian fanfic)

Prolougue

I am not afraid of death.

Must be silly for me to think of such since death is the last moment in one's life and not knowing what comes after, honestly its terrifying.

But as one who has fallen to their death and was then miraculously brought back to life, death is the last thing that scares me. Being a living corpse, the thought of being afraid of death is kind of useless at this point.

I could not feel pain. Slashes from swords, punches and kicks from brawls, the piercing from arrows and whips slashing on my back, I could not feel any pain from it and the pain I have always try to avoid during those days I was alive, I actually wish I could feel it once again.

With no sense of pain comes with no other senses. My sense of touch has turn numb, only with a slight pressure to a rock I could easily break it into half and imagine what else I could do if I touch a human. The numbness doesn't allow me to gauge my strength and I am constantly treating things and people as if they were made of glass. I still regret the bruises I left on master even though it was an attempt to save him.

I can't taste food that I once found delicious, I can't smell the sweet scent of flowers decorating the wide garden surrounded by rabbits, I can't feel the coldness of winter nights and the hot heat of summer days and my emotions are barely there as if it comes and goes whenever it wants. To be alive but you have nothing gain from your life before.

Death does not scare me.

But feeling less than human does.

And being call a monster fits me and  I can't deny it, a living corpse is a monster. A reminder that I can never go back to those days. I don't regret being alive and I am thankful to master for bringing me back. It gives me the chance to repay him and his partner for everything they have done for my cousin and allowing me to protect those I loves but there was always that thought of 'what if'.

What if he dies and leaves this world? Would anyone miss him? Would they shed tears for him? Would his body continue its job and rot or would he disintegrates? Will he finally feel again, even if it was pain? Will he finally be able to let go and be in peace?

Questions like these have plague his mind. He feels depress on those days which thankfully are few. He denies those feelings and remembers to be grateful. Not anyone is given a second chance so he never thought he was one of them. And grateful he was. He continue to serve his master and his cultivation partner, continues to spend time and watch the growth of his younger cousin who he is proud to see has grown into an admirable young cultivator himself, makes friends which he never thought he could when he was alive and create new memories with both old and new company.

He is grateful and does not regret that he is alive.

But the thought does come and go from time to time, just like his emotions which he notices are becoming more and more non existing. It's scary to slowly lose your humanity, yet he kept quiet of the change to not make others afraid and be worry of him. Still, he felt afraid and he was slowly wishing for death to just end his misery.

So what happens when death does befall him?

This time Wen Ning finally gets his answer