Winter Bear || TaeJin [Completed]

39. Before You Go

...but I don’t have the strength to actually see you do it, the animal in me is primal and possessive, too proud and demanding to let go of you...

“What is it?” He asked caressing the back of my head, and I sighed, feeling the weight of the world fall on me but I have decided that I cannot be this selfish to him, wanting him to wait on me forever after I had disappointed him every fucking time.

“If..” the words choked my throat but I willed myself to say it “if the trial doesn’t go in my favour-” “It will, it will go in your favour, Namjoon will make sure that it does, you will be proved ‘not guilty’ and you will come back to me”.

He spoke with stiff resolution, denying my fears as he held severely onto his own beliefs.

“It might not, we never know, and-“ “Stop, I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear anything about you not coming back to me” his voice was low and enraged.

“Jin! Please listen to me! You can’t do this to yourself! You have to understand this...I might not get to come back! And you will still have a life! And you will move on and live it! In your own way! Don’t waste your life hoping for things we could not have! Do you understand me?”

He pushed away from me, his lips fumbling to accept the hard truth “I will decide that! Either you come back to me or I decide what I do with my life! I have listened to you enough!”

He yelled at me, making fear spear through my chest to hear him say those words. “Every time! You can’t do this every time Taehyung! You have no right to tell me to live happily when you have failed your promise so many times! That’s why I’m not asking you to promise me that you’ll come back, I just know you will. You have to!”

Lines of tears ran down his cheeks while I watched him stunned and frozen in place, praying for what little fortune I had to make sure he doesn’t think about doing anything stupid being driven by his emotions. I will have to ask all of them to keep an eye on him.

I pulled him back into my arms and he broke down on holding onto me, like a heart in need of assurance that it won’t get broken for the umpteenth time.

“Please don’t say that you won’t come back...please Tae..I need you too much to think of a life without you. It hurts to hear you say this...you think it’s so easy for me huh? Giving up on what we have and just move on?! I can’t do it! I never could, and I never will.”

I had to bite down my own sobs hearing him, how am I supposed to assure him things are going to be okay? I feel so fucking helpless, so weak and useless that I don’t even have the means to take care and protect the one I love!

“I will wait for you...no matter how long it takes for you to come back to me”

My insides clenched but my heart rejoiced to hear him say this, the heavy hurt strumming through my veins finally easing as I told myself to have faith in him, he has forever been that stroke of good luck in my world of unending misery.

I pulled away to hold his face in my hands and realized that the hurt in his eyes wasn’t because of unfulfilled wishes or a lost dream, somehow he had managed to get accustomed to that pain already but it was losing me.

Me...his overpowering unconditional love had only one need...me...

I felt my knees buckle at the realization. True, he never cared one bit of what I put him through, any other human being would have ditched my sorry ass long ago but he stayed, traded his peace for a mere dime and loved me wholeheartedly. It is beyond me to understand the strength he must have needed to do this. This is way easier for me than it is for him.